Yes, I’m a reluctant parent.

Now that I have been in the business of parenting for a longer time, I realise how it is the antithesis of freedom and fun, two personal values I hold dearly.

No, parenting is just not fun. Take a look at my nightly routine. Pick children up from childcare centre -> take out their clothes + pack their bags for the next day -> change diapers for 1 or both kids because they poop -> shower both kids separately -> feed 1 or both kids -> clean the dining table & stove -> brush my elder son’s teeth -> watch my daughter storm around the house. Yup, we have no helper. Neither do we intend to hire one.

This is why I have the good authority to refute the arguments people give for not wanting to have kids. Because I feel both sides! I don’t mean to say that people give wrong reasons for not wanting to have kids, but I believe that parents will be able to provide the other side of the coin. For every opportunity cost incurred lies the opportunity that is up for grabs. Just don’t miss the opportunity that is right under your nose.

For instance, people declare that they don’t want kids because they want to focus on their careers and attaining self-actualisation. I agree with this point of view. Heck, today, I had to leave my workplace early because my daughter was sick and required me to watch over her at home. I don’t even want to mention the admin tasks I’m bestowed with - the vaccinations I have to take her to, as well as buying her new school uniform. Parenting is chock full of interruptions like this that will dilute your focus and lower your energy. I don’t know if you have used a thumbdrive before, but the inventor of this once-ubiquitous device was a Singaporean. He famously said, “If you want to be an entrepreneur, don’t have kids.”

Here’s the strange thing. Parenting will draw you away from your work, but it gifts you downtime for your subconscious to work and ideas to marinate. I have lost count of the times where I connected two and two together and came up with creative ideas for my work while showering or feeding my children. It’s like my instinct knows to fire up my neurons and activate the networking expressway in my brain. If you can manage some sort of rhythm between your work and life, you will find that your mind context-switches quite nimbly. You may just produce your best work as a parent because come on, if you were childless, your time would be spent painting the town red!

Also consider the alternative view that some people consider raising their kids as their life projects and attain self-actualisation through influencing their offspring to be the best that they can be. After all, no one is indispensable at the workplace. Or you may work as a freelance content creator, but when the curtains fall, how many of those adoring fans will stick around? Your legacy, however, lives on in your children.

Another reason people put forth for not having kids is that they deny them freedom. Trust me, I know all about this. I don’t even muse about the lost travel opportunities as a result of parenthood; on some days, I don’t even get to decide what I want to eat because my son is a fussy eater and I need to buy what he likes so that he can eat off my plate! Ggggrrrr. I miss having the time and space to live life on my own terms. I miss exploring foreign lands and learning about unique cultures.

However, as my physical world shrinks, my imaginative world expands. I live vicariously through the lens of my son. Recently, he is engrossed in YouTube videos depicting hypothetical epic battles between a hippo and a polar bear. Guess who re-enacted this battle during bath time today? My boy! I know it’s comparing apples to oranges, especially when you bring in how travellers absorb the epic aura of ancient landmarks and futuristic innovations, but darn, this boy knows how to spin a good story to entertain himself! He doesn’t need any stimulation from the outside world. He is enough.

Some people are worried sick about their finances and think that having kids is not an option for them due to rising costs and lowering purchasing power and whathaveyou. Yes, diapers and milk powder are expensive, but you don’t have to source for everything yourself. If you have a huge ego, it mayn’t be easy for you to accept help from others. So, remember: a dollar saved is a dollar contributed towards your child’s future. Spread the word around and fellow parents will be glad to off-load their preloved toys and clothes on you. Anyway, kids don’t need fancy toys to be happy. My son was perfectly contented poking leaves through a branch to make his leaf ice cream. Or take two branches home and use them as his drum sticks. We think we need a lot of money in order to give our children the world, but the thing is: they are already happy if you give them a lot of attention. Yes, money is a concern, but never let it be a reason for you not having kids.

Anyway, Soren Kierkegaard is best known for his quote, “Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards.” Consider this quote in the context of parenting:

Foot for thought, huh.

Good luck!