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the cookie isn't specific. i tend to give away things, anything, i think i don't need, expecting people to self-regulate and sometimes they don't. my realization here is that i don't mind (enough) (probably) that some people don't self-regulate because it soothes my insecurity.
i'm sorry it's so abstract but the problem is abstract (and being specific is unfair to anyone i've enabled).
i think the solution is to think more about the harm of giving things away. it's kind of like all the distortions that economic stimulus/government aid create.
i think the solution is to think more about the harm of giving things away.
I used to be an enabler myself, and what I nowadays do to prevent it is the following check:
- Does my action reward or is it just generosity?
- If reward, is it deserved?
- If yes, do it.
- If no, don't do it - save it for a better cause.
- If generosity, does it make an impact?
- if no, don't do it - save it for a better cause.
- If yes, did I do this to the same person recently?
- If yes, don't do it - it will make people complacent
- If no, do it.
- If reward, is it deserved?
Great subroutine!
It's tough to deal with telling myself "no"!
I second the idea of thinking more about the harm of giving things away. People treat things with much more respect if they have to pay for it.
Without trying to probe too personally, what are the cookies you're referring? Time? Attention? Money? Emotional energy?