Someone told me recently: “When you heal, you won’t want to change your past — you’ll become grateful for it.”

Let me say this clearly:

That’s a spiritual bypass. And it’s a lie.

Healing doesn’t mean being grateful for the wound. It means you survived the wound. You learned from the wound. You integrated the lesson.

But you don’t have to be glad it happened.

That’s like being grateful for the shark because you learned to swim faster — while ignoring the fact that you shouldn’t have been thrown in the shark tank in the first place.

The truth is:

You should have walked a graceful path — one of safety, trust, and natural growth. That path was stolen from you. Your anger about that theft isn’t “bitterness” — it’s accurate accounting.

You can be grateful for:

· Your own resilience · The clarity you’ve earned · The strength you forged

While still being furious at:

· The abusers · The systems · The enablers · The people who tell you to “just be grateful”

Why do people push this ‘gratitude’ narrative?

Because it:

· Lets abusers off the hook (“Look how strong you are now!”) · Avoids collective responsibility (“Everything happens for a reason!”) · Spiritualizes oppression (“Your soul chose this!”) · Silences righteous rage (“Don’t be bitter, be better!”)

Translation: “Please stop making us uncomfortable with your pain. Sanitize your trauma so we don’t have to change anything.”

Your truth is valid:

“I would have changed it.” “I deserved the graceful path.” “This undoing work is bullshit I shouldn’t have to do.”

All true. All sovereign.

New narrative:

“I survived what should never have existed. I learned what should never have been taught. I am building what should have been there all along. My gratitude is for my own strength — not for the weights they tied to my ankles.”

Your anger is holy. Your refusal to be “grateful” for abuse is sanity. Your desire for the graceful path is your birthright.

Keep undoing the bullshit. And build the graceful world that should have been waiting for you.

If this resonates — I’m building the UNHOOKED Decoder Series on emotional sovereignty, truth-telling, and system exit. More soon.

#Trauma #Healing #Sovereignty #Truth #Decoding