for my most of my existence, i've been trying to discover who the F i am.

and to be honest, i don't think i'll ever have an answer for that. as humans, we are given this one life, but that doesn't necessarily mean we only live once. recently, one of my mutuals on instagram changed his head caption to: "you only die once, and you live every day." the first thing i thought to myself was: damn.

in simple terms: we are all souls that inhabit some sort of physical form. be it plants, animals, or a human, the very essence of life is within us. but the uniqueness stems from experiences. not all humans are born in a hospital or a home. not all animals are born and survive in the same way. plants start from a seed, but they don't grow in the same circumstances or places every single time.

being a human myself, i've learned that the more you try to attach yourself to being something, the more you tend to get lost in your own mind over who you are trying to become. this is why i think you hear about people going through a midlife, identity, or existensial crisis'.

but, what about plainly existing and experiencing? plants and animals exist and experience things, but they aren't worried about who it is and what they are to the rest of the world. this sense of identity is a human made construct that makes us feel trapped.

when someone asks you what you do, most of the time the answer will be that you go to work, or go to school. that, in of itself isn't who you are. bringing up the soul is important here because outside of those things, there is this small, but inevitable pull towards something within. i think it's within us to discover what essentially feeds our soul to that higher plane and purpose.

in my case, i've never heavily identified with anything save for a want to create things. my highest skill is writing, and i wish to improve my skills every single day in some form through journaling, writing here on SN, and to tap into my book writer mentality again. but, i do love to travel, to build things, and i hope to get into crafting things again when i'm able to. i also want to learn to grow my own foods and to have a small, animal homestead for eggs and getting rid of the weeds, and build toward a slower, more purposeful life.

expanding my horizons is important so my soul doesn't feel trapped, and i think it's important that you feed it in the way that calls to you.

just like how our souls will eventually detach from our physical selves, we shouldn't become too attached to a single thing too heavily. you live by experiencing, trying, and getting out of your zones of comfort. not by being trapped in seemingly endless circles. if you don't see the doorway out, build it.

so i leave this question to you: is it better to fail knowing you at least tried, or, to continue living on just as you are without having much to have actually lived for?

remember: the soul you have and what you give it, is really all up to you.