TL;DR for the impatientTL;DR for the impatient

1. Your existing channel UTXOs are grandfathered. Nobody's funding output turns into a pumpkin.
2. Your LN node's safety equals your bitcoind's view of the economic chain. Choose your backend knowing exactly what it does in each scenario, then own the choice.
3. Current sub-1% signaling is a snapshot, not a forecast. Game theory ccould move it fast in the mandatory window. Prepare accordingly.
4. Mass-closing standard channels trades real fees for imaginary safety. Close specific channels you distrust, cooperatively, early.
5. Taking your stack offline fires your own watchtower. Stay online, drain HTLC activity instead if you want to de-risk.
6. No on-chain activity you don't need between early August and well past activation. Keep CPFP ammo ready.
7. Only custom, non-standard channel constructions are genuine edge-case candidates. You explain to me how to prepare best.
8. Watch pool signaling, not twitter. One major pool flipping is signal. Everything else is noise.

Stay calm, stay online, and may all your force-closes confirm on the chain you're actually watching. That said, my node is staying online and you're welcome to open a channel to it if you found this useful. In any case, I hope this wall of text could help you make an informed decision amongst all the noise.