Basically, women, have you tried feeling differently??

uh:

That may be one of the strangest contradictions of modern dating. Women fought for the right to vote, make a living, own property, build careers, support ourselves, and make choices about our own lives. We won enormous freedom. Then some of us took that freedom onto Hinge and said, “Wonderful. Now please find me someone who earns more than I do.”

For most of human history, marrying a man with resources was necessary for survival. A husband’s ability to provide could determine where a woman lived, what she ate, how her children were educated, and what happened to her if life went badly.

It’s becoming harder and harder for them to find their footing in a labor market that is changing beneath them. But what concerns me just as much is that our ideas about relationships have not changed nearly as quickly as our lives have.

Interesting: if indeed there's an evolutionary logic to it, and the way we live have upended that, is it fair to ask women to fight their biological urges? Water, go run uphill! (More cynically: we all know women are never satisfied with what they have...?)

This, I very much like: The question in my mind is, “Why, after everything women have achieved, are we still defining ‘up’ by a man’s paycheck?”

"I like to ask couples a very simple question: Who would actually prefer to work, and who would prefer to be at home with the children?"

She told me that she could see something she couldn’t while dating: She had been evaluating men according to what they could add to a life that was already built, instead of asking who she wanted beside her while actually living it.

If you tell me you want to admire your husband, I’m with you. Please admire your husband. But why is income the only ladder you are allowed to look up? Can you admire his character? His discipline or emotional stability? The way he treats his parents? How he handles pressure? How he keeps his word? How he cares for your children? Whether he makes you feel safe? Those are assets that don’t appear on a tax return, but are just as important.

A man can be highly successful professionally and still emotionally unavailable, unreliable, selfish, and incapable of partnership—and vice versa. So, what kind of success do women want? A man’s paycheck won’t answer that question.

Also, this is the major concern:

And yes, I worry about men. I worry when young men feel unnecessary. I worry when they do not find meaningful work. I worry when boys grow into adulthood without purpose or responsibility.

Modern women have something our great-grandmothers could scarcely imagine: choice. But freedom comes with responsibility. When you no longer need a man for basic survival, you have to become much clearer about why you want one. Maybe you want companionship. Maybe you want children. Maybe you want someone who makes you laugh. Someone who tells you when you are wrong.

don't have an archive, it just opened for me