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524 sats \ 4 replies \ @BitByBit21 8 Nov 2023 \ on: Tips to cope with parenthood meta

I don't have children of my own but my girlfriend has two amazing boys (8 and 11 yo). We all have a very good relationship from two years ago and I learn a little bit more everyday about the struggles of parenthood. I know my position is relatively easier as they see me as a good friend and some kind of father figure, even if I know that's not my role since their father is still around. Do you have any insights on this type of situation? reply

0 sats \ 3 replies \ @cryotosensei OP 10 Nov 2023

Thanks for asking me. It gives me something else to ponder about. First things first, do you see yourself marrying your girlfriend as the “end goal”? If marriage is in the works, then you need to think about the kind of family you will forge with your girlfriend and her kids as well as the role you will play in there. Do you hope to have kids of your own? If yes, you have to set the tone right now to prevent conflicts from cropping up down the road when rebellious teens (when your girlfriend’s kids grow up) accuse you of being inconsistent.

Another question, how will you describe their father’s personality and parenting style?

30 sats \ 2 replies \ @BitByBit21 11 Nov 2023

Thank you for your kind reply. You raise some critical questions there, a lot of food for thought... Marriage is not on the table yet, but I see sharing my life with her. Having kids is not a priority atm, but I don't rule it out either. I know this could have an impact on her children down the road, so I just want to be careful. On the other hand, their father is rather distant with them and his relationship with their mother is quite complicated even after 5+ years of their divorce. I just know that I've developed a strong special connection with those kids, and I want to honor it.

21 sats \ 1 reply \ @cryotosensei OP 11 Nov 2023

Sounds like you are a constant and consistent presence in these kids’ lives. I think the most important thing to take note is to be firm AND kind. Have fun with them while setting clear boundaries for their sake at the same time. It’s a thought tightrope to navigate, so just do your best. Since you have a special connection with them, you can make mistakes and bounce back from them

20 sats \ 0 replies \ @BitByBit21 11 Nov 2023

Great pieces of advice, thank you. I'll keep doing my best!