Similar to how @siggy47 gets why bitcoiners like bear markets now, I think I finally can start to grasph why @DarthCoin is being so toxic all the time. Prepare yourself for a very long and hopefully funny story :)
Almost exactly one month ago, my girlfriend of almost 2 years broke up with me.
Almost, because it was on November 11, not November 12. What a convenient date to remember: 11/11 :)
I have asked myself a lot if I should share this on SN. This is (obviously) a very personal topic for me and I do care about my online privacy which is also why I have started to use the delete feature more but I think this might actually resonate with some people on here. Or make some people reconsider how they see @DarthCoin. Also, I notice how I can't really focus as much as I would like to anymore because something is boiling inside of me. I am literally walking around faster and I have to hold myself back to not push people over because they are walking too slow for me. I am trying to not scream at the cashiers when they do not say "have a nice day" back to me. I consistently have to take a breath before I respond to some people on here or in other places to make sure I am not going to lash out on accident for something so irrelevant, I might look like a bad person to interact with and not like the person I want to be. I can't even hold myself back to call out @ODELL for something I don't like even though I never met him thus don't know him, never read much about what he is doing in this space, what is important to him and so on. I literally have no idea who he is in some way. And most important, I have no idea why he is even using ALL CAPS. I can of course only speculate, lol :)
I know I am in a bad emotional state right now.
But at least I know. I also know that lashing out is almost never the solution to anything. It DOES NOT help with fixing ANY situation, it only makes it worse. However, only ALMOST NEVER. This is what this post is going to be about. This post is about how toxicity is the red pill for bitcoiners or how toxicity is brutal honesty.
Is there ever a time and place to be toxic? To be as toxic as you can be? To scream at the top of your lungs at someone to make them finally understand that you're being <censored> serious? That it's not you who is crazy but them? Even though the definition of crazy is usually
If you think everyone around you is crazy... you might be the crazy one.
Because they just can not understand that what you are trying to tell them is a very serious topic for you? So they should stop making jokes about it? Since you're also not joking for once? Like for once in your <censored> life, you are not trying to make jokes so people that have known you for so <censored> many years, they might actually take you serious for once? ...
Anyway, we will try to answer this question in this post. :)
For an example when I need to take a breath before replying, see this comment:
We can integrate the Chess part on SN too and use your prediction market when people play
@brave, I hope you can forgive me for mentioning you but you are just the latest best example, haha
Zap them like <censored> crazy since I have put them on a spotlight on here without asking them first because I just HAVE TO write this RIGHT <CENSORED> NOW. I am literally afraid my newfound toxicness is going to disappear before I am done writing this post because I think this can be part of my superpower.
I think my superpower is:
convert bad energy into code
The problem with that superpower for now is just: that code isn't good, if it even exists. It's very hard to focus during programming if you have so many things going on in your mind at the same time. But this is also why I am writing this, to at least get something like 1% of these things out of my system.
Also, you, @brave, seemed to understand that I was trying to make you understand in a "funny but toxic but funny" way how ridiculous this request was. Again, I do not intend to be rude (at least I sure hope so). I just want to help people understand some things without completely <censored> censoring myself when I am trying to.
I also gave @brave 1000 sats because I was so happy he realized that I didn't mean to be rude, I just wanted to call out the audacity to even ask for something like this, and I did have a good laugh reading his reply:
LOL, I'm not which is what gave me the audacity to even think so
So, why did I start with my recent breakup? To keep it short (and not AS <CENSORED> TOXIC AS IT COULD BE):
Our relationship started with me being scared that it might not work out in the long run because I know myself too well. I like to be alone way too much sometimes :)
She said she understands and I also liked her. She seemed to really get me. So after some long discussions, including time that we had for ourselves to think about if we really want to do this, we thought: Why not just try it?
So we tried. Again, I am trying to keep this short, since I have stuff to do, lol. But disclaimer: I know this is only my side of the story. Don't trust me that I am not making stuff up here. Like some stories based on real events are also not completely true :)
In something like the last 3 months before she broke up with me, I felt like something was wrong. I kept asking her
I feel like something is wrong, I think you don't like me anymore. We keep visiting each other during the weekends, but I don't think you actually want to. What is going on? I am really worried about you."
She kept insisting that either a) nothing is wrong or b) it has nothing to do with me.
Oh, what kind of foreshadowing is this? :)
Well, when she broke up (she didn't even start the discussion) it obviously had a lot to do with me.
The funny part is, we were sitting around again as we used to do, having a good talk and laughing about dumb stuff. That's also why I liked her so much. You could talk to her about so many things. Just not about everything.
Or at least it seemed to be a good talk as usual. When I noticed again (FOR THE I DON'T KNOW I <CENSORED> LOST COUNT) that something is off, I asked her again. She just started crying. I tried to calm her down. "It's okay.", I said. But internally, I thought:
I should have <censored> known. I should have <censored> known that even though we started our relationship with the premise that we're going to talk openly about every-<censored>-thing. We said we will try to block every <censored> Sunday so we can <censored> talk about anything we might not wanted to talk about during the week for whatever <censored> reason. That Sunday is going to be the day, we're 100% going to <censored> listen to each other to see how the other person is <censored> doing. I should have known that when I knew something was off, she wasn't telling me the truth. She was trying to avoid conflict but ... did she? DID SHE <CENSORED> AVOID CONFLICT? OR DID SHE LITERALLY JUST MAKE IT <CENSORED> WORSE THAN IT <CENSORED> HAD TO BE?
But I didn't fully internalize these thoughts yet. I think I kept pushing them off. I didn't want to think like this.
Well, we talked, we ate dinner for the last time, watched some episodes of the series that we started watching before we even got together (a new season came out). Then she left with us saying to each other we can meet again. I asked if I am still invited to the New Year's party with mostly her friends. She said she doesn't mind but the problem is if someone will actually plan something. Like where to go etc. She said she is happy how understanding I was and that I didn't make a drama out of this.
BUT WELL, WHAT ABOUT <CENSORED> YOU? DID YOU TRY TO NOT MAKE A <CENSORED> DRAMA OUT OF THIS?
Anyway. A week later, I wrote her, asking if she has time to go hiking. Since we literally said, we can still meet. We can still be friends (I guess A LOT OF YOU can relate to this).
Her answer after two days was:
Good morning :) Sorry for the late reply. I have been quite busy the past days. Nice idea! But all my free days from work for this and next month are already filled up with other stuff, sorry 🙈
She didn't write anything else. And most important, she didn't reply with:
HEY THANKS YOU <CENSORED> REACHED OUT TO ME EVEN THOUGH MAYBE I SHOULD HAVE BECAUSE I HAVE TREATED YOU LIKE A <CENSORED> <CENSORED> BECAUSE YOU KEPT ASKING FOR MONTHS WHAT THE <CENSORED> IS GOING ON AND THUS I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN THAT YOU ARE PRETTY <CENSORED> AWARE OF WHAT THE <CENSORED> IS GOING ON BUT YOU TRUSTED ME THAT I WOULD TELL YOU THE <CENSORED> TRUTH AND THUS YOU THOUGHT THAT YOU'RE JUST SEEING THINGS THAT AREN'T <CENSORED> THERE AND YOU SHOULD TRY TO CALM THE <CENSORED> DOWN BECAUSE WHY THE <CENSORED> WOULD SHE NOT TELL ME THE TRUTH?
But I only fully realized that she didn't reply like this recently. It's funny because I know, people say after a breakup you go through phases of denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance.
I think one day I just woke up and I thought:
WAIT A <CENSORED> MINUTE. WHY AM I FEELING SO <CENSORED> SAD? AS IF IT'S ALL MY <CENSORED> FAULT?
And I think then it was official: I entered the anger phase, lol :)
I actually don't know how long this post already is since I am writing it outside of SN since I am too <censored> afraid we might have a bug, we didn't implement this feature yet or my browser might crash or I don't <censored> know what life has planned next for me. But I am getting to my theory of why @DarthCoin is just so insufferable sometimes, soon, hang on :)
Then I started to talk to IRL friends about my breakup. That actually helped me and they were very understanding.
Then, they realized I don't have time to <CENSORED> MEET THEM ALL THE <CENSORED> TIME. Were they worried about me? Maybe. But I tried to tell them:
I AM DOING <CENSORED> FINE STOP <CENSORED> ASKING IF I HAVE <CENSORED> TIME WHENEVER YOU NOW <CENSORED> WANT TO MEET <CENSORED> <CENSORED> IS <CENSORED> WRONG WITH YOU <CENSORED> PEOPLE
Then I tried to explain to them why I think I am doing fine and I just want to have time for myself ... oh boy, this got extremely funny very fast.
They didn't take me serious when I tried to explain to them how important bitcoin is to me. They literally thought I was joking about all the things I said. I tried to have patience with them since I know how <censored> crazy or hard bitcoin is to understand.
But you know what?
AT LEAST TAKE ME <CENSORED> SERIOUS WHEN I AM TRYING TO LITERALLY TELL YOU HOW <CENSORED> SERIOUS I AM.
Long story short, I literally started to burn some very old bridges - more or less temporarily - because I just couldn't interact with them anymore.
THEY JUST DON'T <CENSORED> GET IT. THIS IS A <CENSORED> WASTE OF TIME.
However, I told them, depending on the amount of trust that I have in them finally <censored> understanding that I am being <censored> serious:
I don't want to talk to you anymore for X months / years.
Oh boy, this got even more funny even <censored> faster, haha!
THEY LITERALLY STARTED TO <CENSORED> TELL ME HOW I AM OVERREACTING AND I AM CRAZY AND I AM SUCH A BAD BAD PERSON THAT I AM BURNING BRIDGES BECAUSE THEY DON'T GET SOMETHING SO STUPID LIKE <CENSORED> BITCOIN.
I couldn't take this <censored> <censored> anymore. Then I started to become as toxic as I ever was in my <censored> life. If some stuff they said to me in person, I think I literally would have screamed until I would have passed out, lol. Just to get up and scream at them some more! But no, the very bad stuff was mostly over text.
Then I send every single <censored> one of them a very personal <censored> message how I think that actually, they might be wrong and that THEY are actually the <censored> <censored> because I LITERALLY TRIED TO EXPLAIN TO THEM BUT THEY JUST DON'T WANT TO TAKE IT <CENSORED> SERIOUS LIKE WHAT THE <CENSORED> IS WRONG WITH YOU <CENSORED> PEOPLE LIKE SERIOUSLY GIVE ME A <CENSORED> BREAK <CENSORED>! I AM BEING SO <CENSORED> TOXIC RIGHT NOW, I THINK I MIGHT ACTUALLY HAVE FIXED MY <CENSORED> SOCIAL ANXIETY <CENSORED> BECAUSE I JUST DON'T GIVE A <CENSORED> ABOUT PEOPLE WASTING MY <CENSORED> TIME ANYMORE
And then I realized ... wow, this might have indeed helped with some of them!
They were suddenly like
Oh, I am very sorry, I didn't know you are going through hard times. Are you sure you don't want to meet?
YES I AM <CENSORED> SURE BECAUSE YOU ARE LITERALLY WASTING MY <CENSORED> TIME AND YOU STILL DON'T <CENSORED> GET IT EVEN THOUGH I LITERALLY WROTE YOU THE MOST TOXIC MESSAGE I HAVE EVER WRITTEN IN MY <CENSORED> LIFE, TRYING AGAIN TO EXPLAIN FOR THE NTH TIME WHY I DON'T WANT TO <CENSORED> MEET YOU RIGHT NOW.
So to come to a final conclusion: If you think the only thing you have left is to be SO <CENSORED> TOXIC, <CENSORED> DO IT. IT MIGHT ACTUALLY MAKE A <CENSORED> DIFFERENCE.
And I think @DarthCoin has been in this space for so <censored> long, he lost patience with some people like I did in the span of a few weeks.
I mean, I know I have been active in this space for not even a year and I AM ALREADY SO <CENSORED> TOXIC TO PEOPLE WHO DON'T TAKE BITCOIN SERIOUS.
Imagine you've been in Bitcoin since 2012, it's been over 10 <censored> years and people still don't <censored> get it. WOULDN'T YOU BECOME VERY TOXIC YOURSELF?
Just ask yourself this. This could have been all I wanted to say with this post.
But I think @DarthCoin is sometimes just being toxic for the sake of being toxic and thus is so insufferable sometimes. I just searched for "insufferable" on here and this is the first comment that showed up:
You are easily one of the most insufferable people on this website. I found a selfie. -- #101165
But I actually wanted to find my own comment about @DarthCoin being insufferable, lol:
@DarthCoin never change even though you are really insufferable sometimes :) -- #344665
So the point of this story is: BE <CENSORED> TOXIC WHEN YOU HAVE TO, BUT BE <CENSORED> SMART ABOUT IT, NOT LIKE <CENSORED> @DarthCoin, BEING <CENSORED> TOXIC WHENEVER HE <CENSORED> CAN, EVEN ON TOPICS HE HAS SO <CENSORED> OBVIOUSLY NO <CENSORED> IDEA ABOUT, EVEN ADMITTING HE HAS NO FUCKING CLUE ABOUT CODE LOL!
And one last thing:
PLEASE DON'T <CENSORED> ASK ME HOW I AM DOING OR START DM'ING ME OR WHATEVER THE <CENSORED> YOU THINK MIGHT HELP ME. I JUST WANT TO <CENSORED> MOVE ON, I DID NOT REALLY WANT TO TALK ABOUT THIS HERE BUT I JUST REALIZED I MIGHT HAVE TO TO FINALLY BE ABLE TO <CENSORED> CODE AGAIN <CENSORED> AND COMMIT TO ME BEING FUCKING TOXIC BUT IN A HELPFUL WAY TO ANYONE WHO I THINK IS WASTING MY <CENSORED> TIME.
BUT IF YOU REALLY HAVE TO GIVE ME SOME ADVICE, DO IT BELOW THIS POST SO I CAN <CENSORED> IGNORE IT TO FINALLY <CENSORED> CODE AGAIN WITHOUT SO MANY <CENSORED> DISTRACTING THOUGHTS IN MY <CENSORED> HEAD <CENSORED>. I MIGHT NEVER REPLY TO ANY OF WHAT YOU ARE WRITING HERE SINCE I PROBABLY ALREADY <CENSORED> TRIED OR AM CURRENTLY TRYING OR ALREADY <CENSORED> KNOW. AND YES, I <CENSORED> KNOW I AM A VERY NICE PERSON SINCE I AM TRYING <CENSORED> HARD, PLEASE STOP WASTING MY <CENSORED> TIME AND YOURS AND ACTUALLY DO SOMETHING <CENSORED> USEFUL IN YOUR LIFE FOR ONCE
THANKS I NOW NEED TO DO SOME <CENSORED> BINARY STUFF IN <CENSORED> JAVASCRIPT LIKE WHAT THE <CENSORED>! JUST SO SOME <CENSORED> PEOPLE ON HERE CAN START <CENSORED> UPLOADING THEIR PICTURES WITHOUT IT GETTING <CENSORED> ROTATED FOR NO APPARENT <CENSORED> REASON
I THINK I AM <CENSORED> DONE NOW. I FEEL MUCH BETTER.