@kr's post on audiobooks reminded me of the importance of listening as a skill. I'm sure many of you have noticed that many people in your lives are not good listeners. I thought I would share some reasons why you should work on getting better at this skill in the new year.

You will be surprised what you can learn from others. One of Jordan Peterson's 12 rules for life is to listen. It goes something like this. Always assume there is something you can learn from another person. Even if you know you disagree with them. Even if you think you're right and they are wrong. You may gain deeper understanding about what makes them tick. Maybe where they got these ideas. Maybe you might even gain a better understanding about why you might not be 100% right. If you go into a conversation as if you have nothing to learn, you certainly will not learn anything.

I have always enjoyed talking to people older than myself. It is fascinating to me to learn about their experiences. How they view the world. I seldom see the world the way they do but I still enjoy listening.

It is really surprising to me how many people seem to feel as if they are never heard. Like others do not care what they have to say. When you listen and show interest in someone else you show them respect and care. This is something people in our culture truly need. You may just make someone's day by asking them a question and really truly wanting to hear what they have to say.

When you actually listen you often gain a friend. I have found that when I focus on the other person over myself in a conversation these people want to talk to me more often. They feel connection. They feel like someone cares. Who doesn't want a friend that will listen? I know I do.

When people feel seen and heard they open up. They share the real self. They can be vulnerable. This is a key to a real lasting relationship. Listening and not jumping to offer solutions but rather seek to understand first. I have found that some of my friends were slow to really talk to me at first. I listening and asked questions but it took them a while to realize I was sincere. We have some much falseness in our culture today that many people (like me) do not take people at their word. I have had far more experiences where someone asked about me to find out they were just being "polite" or not really thinking about what they were saying. Don't be like that.

One method I sometimes use is to treat the conversation like I'm interviewing the other person. And I mean a good interview. The kind where they are the focus, not me. Sometimes people don't want to talk about themselves, I try to not push but often they do want to talk about what they think about something. Its amazing what you can learn by listening.

Another method I employ is instead of thinking about what I'm going to say in response to the other person I try to think of second and third layer follow up questions. It is very easy to fall into the trap of one upping a conversation. When someone mentions an experience it is easy to say, yeah that happened to me and then completely take over the conversation. Be aware of this trap. While it might be fun to relay your story being more generous with your attention has often rewarded me with very interesting stories.

A final tip is to look into their eyes. Put your device away. Give them your attention. I have found that MANY people have no clue how obvious their dis-interest is to me. We send so many signals and most people are terrible at hiding their real attention.

Before this post I had never connected conversational listening to audiobooks but I can see it now. If you struggle with listening to an audiobook you may also lack good listening skills. I'm a very audio driven person so it just never occurred to me. Maybe try an audiobook and see if you can sit and listen to it. I usually listen to audiobooks while doing manual labor or driving. I feel like the info really sticks with me but for those of you that don't have this experience maybe try listening to audiobooks and see if it helps your listening skills.

So, my challenge to you in the new year is to work on your listening skills. You may be surprised at how hard listening is. A great person to try this with first is your spouse or significant other. Maybe a co-worker or friend. You can do it with anyone. Even a stranger. Its fun and in my opinion makes the world just a little bit better.