You asked very existential questions, which reminded me of the person I was before I turned 30 haha. I’m not sure if you are asking rhetorical questions or actively seeking for answers.
Actively seeking for answers. But I also just like to think about these questions. I don't feel like I need the answer—or I am at least not in a hurry. It's more about discovering interesting things to think about, I think. And getting to know myself better is just a byproduct.
But I guess one thing I really realised when I turned 40s is that I am not as tolerant of bullshit as the younger, more obliging and easygoing me was. So I would say no to my colleagues directly if I found their requests ridiculous, work harmony be darned. But I think it’s a necessary evolution because I needed to protect the things that matter to me most
Funny, that sounds similar to this from the article I linked to in the post:
As a rule of thumb, you can only do 1 or 2 things well. Some people are exceptional: they can do 3. I’m not exceptional.
I learned this, as many do, when I had my first child. I had been a bit nervous about becoming a father. Having failed to achieve what I had expected I would, I thought strapping a child to my chest meant setting myself up for permanent failure. It did not. When Maud ate about half my time, I had to force myself to make priorities: I would care for her, I would write, and I would say no to everything else.
Narrowing my life like this, at least doubled how much I could achieve. When I had more time, I had spread myself too thin to get stuff done.
This is something I now notice whenever I read biographies of people who have done exceptional work: they lived narrow lives. They allowed themselves to care about less than others do. To take two quotes at random, here is Jony Ives who designed the iPhone:
One of the things Steve [Jobs] would say [to me] because he was worried I wasn’t focused — he would say, “How many things have you said no to?” I would tell him I said no to this. And I said no to that. But he knew I wasn’t interested in doing those things. There was no sacrifice in saying no [to those things]. What focus means is saying no to something that with every bone in your body you think is a phenomenal idea, you wake up thinking about it, but you say no to it because you are focusing on something else.”
Not exactly the same thing since it seems like you're using "no" as a defense against bullshit but the Steve Jobs used "no" as a defense against distractions.
this territory is moderated
It’s good that you are not in a hurry. The thing I always ask my Gen Y colleagues is: why are you in such a hurry to accomplish? I’m in my 40s and satisfied not having it figured out haha.
Sharing a timeless quote by Baz Luhrmann: Don't feel guilty if you don't know what you wanna do with your life; the most interesting people I know didn't know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives; some of the most interesting 40 year olds I know still don't.
Of course, you owe it to yourself to sharpen your self-awareness - and I’m not suggesting that you should lie back and wait for life to happen to you haha
I think the best way to find out the authentic you, your inner core is to live and work overseas. My time on the Japan Exchange Teaching program pulled away all the blinders from the consciousness. I felt stripped down to my essence. I didn’t know Japanese well; I was unfamiliar with the rules, both spoken and unspoken. I was also refreshingly away from the sociocultural norms of my home country. Every day as I tried to build my life, I got to ask myself what I truly cared about and believed in. I got to examine if I am a unique individual or a run-of-the-mill product of my culture. Fun times!
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