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Step 1: login to their npub Step 2: mark down their relays Step 3: log out of their npub Step 4: login with your keys Step 5: compare and add relays
how do you mean login to their npub?
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You can login with any npub for read only access on some clients like Snort:
That's also how you can see who writes who on nostr and read their notifications.
For example, here I am logged in as Jack:
update: apparently, Snort does not show you the messages anymore but it's still possible per protocol