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This article is borderline evil, and definitely a sin.

My eyes melted:

The answer, it seems, is something called the Grayscale Bitcoin Trust

How exactly does one "download a bitcoin wallet"? I guess he's talking about wallet software but that's obviously the least sophisticated part of ... opening a bank account in cyberspace.

their more sophisticated brethren who know how to do things that would never occur to the more conservative of us: such as downloading a ‘bitcoin wallet’.