ever since i was in high school (about 10 years ago), i've always had these thoughts in the back of my head that have gone along the lines of...

"do i really go to college, find a full time job at a company or agency that could give less of a shit about me, buy a house along with more material assets and rack up debt, work for 30+ years, reach retirement (if i am still alive by that time), and enjoy life then if i am still able bodied by then?"

initially, i thought this didn't sound too bad because of how direct the route is.

but as i got older, it started to sound less and less appealing.

and today, i think it's complete insanity.

you mean to tell me, that in order to live in this day and age, i first have to show my worthiness to make money based on bullet points i wrote on a piece of paper? and this doesn't even count the interview or rounds of interviews (if you make it this far), special projects, or technical assignments that will probably be handed to you too in the meantime.

to me, applying for and working a 9-5 job just sounds like a complete clusterfuck from the beginning.

it gives me anxiety just trying to fathom it.

i get imposter syndrome from not having enough work experience based on reading job descriptions.

i don't like lying on my resume either.

networking with people is hard enough already with my introvertedness, and the competition being so high all the time.

and the fact that this is the expectation in modern american society is even crazier. and the people i, and most of us know hardly ever question it.

it made this realization of wanting to thrive in the long term all the more clear to me, even if i have to take the less conventional route to get there.