Today was the second time in a relatively short while that someone I would qualify as GenZ informed me they are in a polycule. When I was in my twenties, I only ever knew one person who was in a non-exclusive relationship. Is it becoming more common? Or is it just a sampling bias I am observing? No judgment, just curious.
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From the data I've seen, it seems like the dramatic trend is towards young people not having any romantic relationships.
I recall talking to @plebpoet a while ago about how the kids today feel pressured into "alternative" romantic arrangements.
That's interesting. There is the 4B movement here in Korea, but it's pretty much a fringe thing and most people still date. Other than not wanting to have kids, most young people still see benefits in having romantic relationships.
It's horrifying and it isn't from lack of desire to have relationships, as I understand it. They just don't know how.
Completely spit-balling here, but has the Tinder phenomenon made sex into something completely transactional? Last time I was in the US, I stayed for a few weeks with GenZ'ers who were attending university and they told me that's basically what Tinder gave them that wasn't there before. At least, not at a large scale, accessible to anyone: sex without commitment at the click of a button. Not sure they were exaggerating or not, as I did not get to experiment myself. My only Tinder experience led me to make a friend in Spain~~
EDIT: All this to say that if sex is transactional, you never got to know the thrill of building the relationship that led to sex in the before times. So, you don't know how to have a romantic relationship.
That might be part of it, but they're also having less sex than prior generations.
I see. Yeah, sociology questions never have simple AB answers...
My wife and I both favor the hypothesis that it's due to the greater potential for humiliation in the social media age.
Asking a girl out has always been scary enough, but now there's the remote possibility that she'll also humiliate you online for trying. I imagine there's a corresponding concern that girls have, when it comes to actually being in a relationship.
It's a brave new world and we need to work out some new norms ASAP.
But I also think socia l media and apps changed expectations. Girls who are average looking get way more attention than your average guy. But the same goes for guys. With more porn and only fans showing off for $5 a month makes men think they deserve a certain level of beauty.
Nowadays, if you have money, it is considered romantic, if you don't have money, romantic feelings are less than perfect on the woman's part.
That's bleak, but it bodes well for young Bitcoiners.
I think it's likely more of an open thing these days, not necessarily more of a thing. The term itself was only coined in the '80s, and prior to that, I'd imagine talking about it was even harder (but it definitely happened; William Moulton Marston, creator of both Wonder Woman and the lie detector, lived with his wife and their mutual girlfriend). I also think that, while I'm not inclined to ever call anyone's sexual life "just a phase," some people might indeed explore having multiple partners before settling into marriage.
And, of course, in the "old days," someone might indeed be openly dating multiple people, only choosing to "go steady" after a while, but that wasn't considered a form of non-monogamy.
This is pretty normal since the 60's. People just didn't call it "poly".
Think about the tv show Friends: all the men and women paired off at different times. Same thing for How I met your mother or Rent. This kind of thing is very commonly in the restaurant business, resort staff, among frats / sororities, and of course FTX/Ameida (ba dum tss).
The difference with GenZ is this behavior is being explicitly codified into this monstrosity of all the worst aspects of HR/pop-psychiatry/family-law. It was always messy before we started calling it a polycule, but alleged solution seems (to this cranky old man) to be worse than letting it play out.
First we priced out 1 man mortgages, then we moved to couples, then we priced out couples, so poly serviced mortgages makes sense from a living arrangement perspective, if people could have their own space they wouldn't be having all these strategies to survive
i guarantee you that polyculrs don't show up at the bank for a mortgage with more than 2 people š¤£
They show up as 1 couple. Or one person alone. Or one person alone with their parents.
or a legal entity, like an LLC
How many polycules actually do that tho
Aren't most of them one of these two categorys:
Maybe I'm wrong but the polycules that are actual polycules like couples being couples are rare. And how may of them have their life together to create a legal entity like an LLC for their relationship lmao
Lol who holds the mortgage and who generates the cash flow that services the mortgage are two different things
lmao
Haha, didn't think of the practical advantages of such living arrangement.
Live and let live, does not affect my life in the slightest. Really just curious. What is considered normal has always been a thing of cycles.
Depends a lot on the country, the culture, age demographic, polyamory is a trend in movies, that might influence the viewer and seed new fantasies, but seriously having one relationship working is already pretty complex, imagine having multiple ...
Fully agree.
Today's example, I don't know, but the guy I talked to last time didn't seem to be that happy about the polycule. It seemed that he kinda accepted it as it was his girlfriend's desire, but he'd rather have her be exclusive. So, by definition, it's already complex, and to have a balanced one where everyone is on equal footing is likely to be even harder.
Funny. I was randomly reading about MaƮtresse-en-titre this morning.
Interesting link. Reminds me of that old practice too where kings were allowed the first night with women who just got wed.
Also quite shocking how short lived people were back in those days...
Yeah. I hadn't had any contact with polyamory outside of reading about it online, then in the past couple years I've encountered two people who were into it. Not particularly young, either.
It seems like at the most a very short-term type of setup.
I think the rise of porn and the internet allows men and women to explore sexual relationships in alternative ways.
I think this has always been the case but it was more taboo thus not discussed.
There is a reason why you are guilt tripping right now. It is not your fault that you think of yourself as judgmental. We are not judgmental. They are just somewhat within the bounds of autism spectrum.
What? I am not guilt-tripping :)
I am really just curious. I grew up with an extremely liberal value system.
sampling, random observation + virtue-signalling among this crowd of people.
As they get into their 20s etc they'd be more and more likely to meet a non-insane person and brag about their insanity to them.
never heard of it
All I can tell you is that it's not a thing in India. The culture here doesn't allow it. If someone is practising these things they are subject to dishonour the society. And get thrown out of it. It's also unlawful here.
meh, family is the ultimate proof of work - all the rest is LARP
Maybe. In my experience its just people that have extreme self-esteem issues grouping up. Given them a few years, most will quickly tire of the complexity of it. Hell, most will tire of monogamous relationships in a few years.
For the philosopher Zygmunt Bauman, āliquid relationshipsā would be personal experiences of each person, without the construction of the identity of a couple, of the integration between two individuals. In this fluidity, each person's life would be prone to changing from one moment to the next, sometimes unpredictably.
Bauman, in Liquid Love, states that even affinity is becoming something uncommon in a society of extreme disposability.