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I hear you, and I'm really sorry you're going through this. I lost someone close to me last year, and it was tough. The grief can feel like a lot, and it’s hard to know how to deal with it.
What helped me, though, was just giving myself permission to feel whatever I was feeling, without rushing through it.
Some days were harder than others, but taking it one day at a time made things a bit easier. You’re not alone in it anyways. If you ever want to talk, always here to reach out to.