Alright, if I don't attack your premise here, then, as long as there are good property laws in `<wherever one resides>`, it clearly doesn't matter whether someone self-custodies, or pays Coinbase to do it?

Thus, **get your coins off effing coinbase.** And watch https://m.stacker.news/93127 from @Wizardsardine because it's relevant.

optimism

econ

Why MSTR's Bitcoin Are Worth More Than Yours (Money Stuff, Matt Levine)

denlillaapan

The criminals can actually be found if they steal bitcoins.
For example US authorities caught the guys who stole Mt Gox's bitcoins. 
The thieves can run, but if the government is on your side, they really can't hide.
Especially if they keep moving the stash. Lots of variables can be tracked including IP addresses (which is how Ross was nabbed), bitcoin--dollar or even bitcoin--other_crypto--other_fiat conversion points, etc.