I just finished this book yesterday, so I am shocked to learn today that the author has passed on.

With that in mind, it would be callous of me to say anything critical about her maiden work. “I want to die but I want to eat tteokbokki” takes us into her turbulent inner world as she shares openly of her struggles and challenges of living with dysthymia (a state of constant, light depression). I thought what’s most useful about her sharing is the use of terms to label certain behaviours. Case in point: akathisia (the inability to sit still). You can guess how that grabbed my attention since I’m working at the trenches in today’s educational landscape with overly stimulated children. Learning the names of these conditions might be mere drops in the ocean, but I think she has done much to create societal awareness through this way.

This book features her no-holds-barred counseling sessions with her therapist, in which she comes to grip with her extreme black-or-white kind of thinking and how that causes her to misinterpret others’ intentions as judgemental. I got a sneak peek of how South Korean society must be like, given that she discusses candidly about comparing (and judging) her looks and educational qualifications with those around her. How intense such societal scrutiny must be!

The therapy sessions can read quite dry, so I thought it is a book that is best experienced via the audio version. I played it while doing household chores and let her ramblings accompany me in the uninterrupted stillness of pre-morning rush hour hustling. I have lived vicariously through her unflinching portrayal of herself and am sorry that she has left the world so soon.

Will probably read the sequel to honour her thoughts. 💭