Why do we let embarrassment hold us back from doing what we really want to do?
To answer this question, we need to look to our ancestors. In a 2018 study, researchers investigated the evolutionary purpose of shame. Why does this emotion exist?
They argue that, because our ancestors lived in groups in unpredictable conditions, we relied upon one another for mutual aid. If you developed a reputation for selfish or immoral behavior, it could be deadly — you might be cast out and left alone, and unlikely to survive. Shame evolved to protect us from doing things that would hurt our communities, which, in turn, would hurt ourselves. Imagining how we might be treated if we behave improperly acts like a deterrant for bad behavior.
In today's very different world, the type of embarrassment we're afraid of is very different. It's more about deviating from the acceptable Old Happy norm: doing the things that we are supposed to do and being the person we are expected to be.
That's what can hold us back from doing the things we really want to do, like:
I want to quit my job. I want to get divorced. I want to go back to school. I want to become an artist. I want to help people in a new way.
How many inventions and ideas have been lost because their havers were afraid to pursue them?
Our ancestral fear of embarassment ends up stopping us from doing what would make us happy, which often ends up contributing to others' happiness, too.
One key to overcoming embarassment is to remember that it doesn't last forever. It's an intense emotion, yes, but a short-lived one too. Another study looked at 27 different emotions and how long they lasted for, discovering that feeling ashamed had the shortest duration of all.
What you create and contribute, on the other hand, can last forever. Don't let a short-term feeling get in the way of your long-term impact.