In an unsurprising revelation today, the Pentagon has admitted that almost all of the report on UFOs released on March 6th was actually written by OpenAI’s ChatGPT. The Pentagon’s press secretary Pat Ryder explained that members from the All-Domain Anomaly Resolution Office (AARO), in charge of writing the report, were originally just Googling everything.
Reporters asked which large language model AARO used to write the report and why, Ryder responded:
“AARO utilized ChatGPT 3.5 as, due to our limited budget, the Pentagon is currently unable to secure a ChatGPT 4.0 subscription after we used the majority of our budget buying trash cans for Boeing. We’re hoping Congress will recognize the importance of AARO’s stated mission, to debunk any and all UFO claims throughout the years, and provide us with adequate funding to do so.”
To promote government transparency, AARO held a closed press conference after releasing the report. Media groups were handpicked by acting director of AARO Tim Phillips, choosing only the best of the worst outlets to accept questions from. The press conference, and entire report, can be summed up by Phillip’s parting quote, “C’mon guys, do you really think we’re hiding something?”
Internet sleuths were able to find the ChatGPT plugins created by AARO under the pseudonym, Nothing2C. These included "DebunkGPT", "RedactBot", and "RealUFOCaseFinder", a tool trained to ignore the harder to solve UFO cases so that nobody gets confused and thinks UFOs are real.
UPDATE
In an update to SNUFON, AARO has confirmed that they've received approval for funding for an X Premium+ subscription and will use the anti-woke AI Grok for the follow-up report. When asked where the funding is coming from, AARO replied, “we’re dropping our new cryptocurrency, upAARO, soon and will be selling our premine bags as quickly as possible.
Footnotes
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Translation of the Latin on AARO's logo : "The universe is changing. Our life is what our thoughts make it"
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