At some point this week, you’re going to have an emotional reaction to an event in your life.
That’s okay. That’s what humans do: we feel things.
But what humans can also do, though, is learn about how to respond to these feelings in a wiser, more compassionate way, one that both helps us and helps others to experience more happiness.
It’s a simple two-step process: 1) Honor and accept your reaction; and 2) Look at your reaction from other perspectives.
We don’t need to dismiss, suppress, or deny our emotions — but they do not need to run our lives or drive our behaviors, either.
Here's how to do it.
Step One: Face and accept the response
- Focus on your breathing for a few minutes
- Name your feelings as they come up ("I am experiencing anger...")
- Have a shower or bath
- Grab an object you use to center yourself
- Get some physical space
- Give yourself a hug or offer yourself some other form of physical soothing
- Acknowledge that you are in pain and that it’s hard right now
Step Two: Look at your response from other perspectives
- Talk to a friend or support system
- Journal about what happened
- Go for a walk or get some movement in
- Try to reconstruct the experience from a distanced perspective, as though someone was videotaping what happened
- Challenge your immediate thoughts, asking “What did I miss?”
- Identify what other factors may have contributed to your response(tired, lonely, overwhelmed) and how you might proactively address them in the future.
- Ask yourself, “What do I need in this moment to move forward?”