Embracing the Conditional Mindset: A New Perspective, from Battle to Balance \ stacker news ~alter

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Embracing the Conditional Mindset: A New Perspective, from Battle to Balance

344 sats \ 2 comments \ @mo 26 Jul alter_native

At some stage, I could see from what I had already done why I was losing, constantly, even though I had the best argument ever. It was the argument itself that was the problem, my attitude and believe that I must be right because this and that.

When I saw that, I went, "Oh, now I know why I'm losing." But if you read news, watch TV and any lawyer on TV, or everything in the movies, it's all about arguing, right? They're constantly trying to trick people into thinking that this is the way to go about things, about life, fight! You've got to argue it. You've got to be creating this thing so that we win. You can also remain silent, which is what we define as tacit agreement under the agreement we just read, or you can argue, which is dishonorable, and you basically lose. So you argue, you fight, you do any of those things. That's what we've been programmed to do—to fight against anything we don't want-- since the beginning of times.

There's so much messaging in that as well, like even protesting. It's about fighting, it's about this, you know, fighting back, fighting for your rights, you fight this and that. And then we go into a lawful sort of process, whether it be in court or in the street, or even a conversation with a friend or a family member, and we think that that's going to be the result we want. We're going to fight them, I'm going to fight this thing because it's wrong, and then we just lose. It's like this big trick they're just trying to get us to lose and set us up for that... Set us up for failure. And a lot of the time, I think the other side try to set up an emotional response, and the emotional response is always that as well—it's always that fighting instinct.

One day, I've just put in my notes that a full acceptance is an honorable thing to do. If someone's put an offer to you and you agree, great, you've accepted, but wait a minute, a conditional acceptance, is also, or even more honorable thing to do, and put myself in a totally different position.

Anyone else feels like most of the world today is just playing this emotional game? Consequence of responses given by our more archaic instinct of survivor that nowadays is not worth a penny in the current world?

How we can learn to subjugate our animal instincts and instead have constructive conversations and play a game of compromises?

Have you had any memorable experience playing it?

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63 sats \ 1 reply \ @486DX2 26 Jul

There's a quote that says:

"Don't promise when you're happy. Don't reply when you're angry and don't decide when you're sad."

It's so easy now to respond to anything immediately. Anonymous keyboard warriors everywhere; a bit like 'road rage' but with less personal consequence.

The older I've gotten the more I've realised 'right' and 'wrong' are all subjective, anything that comes out of someone's mouth is an opinion from thier point of view. Someone's point of view is dependent on their personal history of experience. It's a wonder humans get along as well as they do.

An anology I like to think about is a star consellation. We all know what the 'plough' or 'big dipper' looks like right? Well, we don't really, we only know if from our position in space. From another star system, another perspective it would look totally different and as you got closer it would look like nothing at all because ultimately 'it' doesn't even exist. Most things are like this, we perceive something but it's an illusion of an object which is just a combination of lots of other individual parts which themselves are too a combination of smaller parts ad-infinitum.

So what are we really fighting about?

Perhaps it's just good ol' competition and a distorted version of survival of the fittest?

Ever since the first life forms evolved out of the primordeal soup all species have been competitive. Most human lives have become abstracted from true competition for food and survival and yet that survival instinct is still there doing it's thing deep inside us. We convert it into more supposedly 'civilised' channels like sporting events or games or just arguments. I think we have a long way to go before we realise 'winning' is no longer necessary for the most part.

I would say always leave some space and time to consider your answer before arguing your point of view. First put yourself in you opponent's shoes and ask yourself how they got to where they are. Just because someone says something confidently or angrily doesn't mean it's right, but it also doesn't mean you need to get angry and call them out over it. Most times it's not worth it.

Think how hard people find it to change themselves - what chance have they got changing someone else?

But, hey, that's just all an opinion.

0 sats \ 0 replies \ @mo OP 29 Jul

it's a valuable opinion, and thanks for sharing it with many details and references. I totally agree on what you wrote, especially on the fact that most of the time it's not worth it.

The current environment the majority of us live by make it even harder to use our brain in a peacefully and constructive way. The belief system that has been indoctrinated to us teach values that go against morals and ethics that nowadays have been covered with dust into oblivion.