Parents Corner: Do You Force Your Kids To Learn? \ stacker news ~alter

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Parents Corner: Do You Force Your Kids To Learn?

1650 sats \ 21 comments \ @OT 19 Nov alter_native

I'm doing a bit of research into how best to get your kids to learn something that they don't want to. Both my wife and I have very different upbringings and cultures. Whatever we end up doing its likely to be a compromise between the two.

Anyway, my son is learning some drums. I got him to learn a simple beat which he was happy about for a while. After a fee weeks he didn't really want to progress to adding anything to the beat and he really isn't interested in playing. He's only 3 and it's not a big deal if he doesn't take to it. I'm just thinking about some of the more important stuff like English and Math.

His mum has been pushing him a bit more to play and she negotiates and bribes to get it done. When he does a good job he gets a huge praise, but it's a constant battle.

My approach is to let it go and just keep encouraging him to have a go. If he doesn't want to I just let it go and try again the next day.

I'd like him to find an instrument that he likes, but there's plenty of time for that. I've heard that if you force or push too hard that it doesn't work unless they start developing an interest themselves. In the end they need to do the work if they really want the result.

Interested to know what approach stackers take to educate their kids. Is it forced? Bribery? Negotiations? Or let them go (free)?

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128 sats \ 1 reply \ @grayruby 19 Nov

Force is a strong word. I don't think we really force our kids to do anything aside from things that will keep them safe (for example- I grab my daughter's hand before crossing a busy road or walking through a busy parking lot).

We definitely have expectations for them regarding their school work and behavior and there are certain "free time" things they are not permitted to do unless they complete their school work, chores etc.

I wouldn't force practicing musical instruments on kids. My son (14) had an electric guitar when he was young and I used to teach him and practice with him but he wasn't really into it and then a few years ago he really got into coding and he wanted to make music for games. We got him a keyboard for Christmas a couple years ago and he has stuck with that. My daughter (6) on the other hand just likes to "rock out" with me. If I play guitar she will grab her ukulele or harmonica or a drum and try to play along. She also has a small keyboard. She loves trying and playing all different instruments wheras my son only wants to play his keyboard now.

And who knows how things change as they grow up. I had a guitar when I was a little kid and mostly I just broke the strings on it but when I was 15 and started playing I became obsessed with it.

Give it time. Let him try out many different things. He has a lot of years to figure out what he likes, doesn't like. I think the best we can do is try to encourage good habits and mindset of always striving to work hard and get better.

40 sats \ 0 replies \ @OT OP 19 Nov

Thanks for the advice.

118 sats \ 0 replies \ @fm 19 Nov

Interested to know what approach stackers take to educate their kids. Is it forced? Bribery? Negotiations? Or let them go (free)?

Kind of depends on the situaiton i guess.. We try not to force them too much.

I come from a place you would get beaten with a stick if you failed a math resut.. By the teacher.. Not funny at all.. Personally i think trauma is not a good teacher

97 sats \ 0 replies \ @Msd0457890 19 Nov

Welcome to fatherhood my friend, knowing how to educate them and how to do those kinds of things that you ask is one of the great challenges that being a dad presents. Ever since I became a father, I have tried to maintain a very close emotional communication with my son, being able to tell him that I love him and that every thing that I try to get him to learn is so that he can advance so that he can grow. Sometimes it has been complicated. I have always used methods of gifts and rewards. Being a dad is also difficult, my friend. Being a dad is a great experience.

86 sats \ 1 reply \ @Satosora 19 Nov

He is three. Just let it go until he is older and able to focus longer.

0 sats \ 0 replies \ @OT OP 19 Nov

Sounds about right. Or just go for 2-5 minute lessons.

77 sats \ 1 reply \ @stack_harder 19 Nov

at 3 i wouldn't worry so much, plenty of time, but like with my 6 year old, getting her to do reading and stuff is always a struggle and I mostly use positive reinforcement but sometimes I also have to use threats of Santa not liking it when kids don't do their work.

all kids respond differently so the key is finding the optimal mix and approach for yours, I'm sure it will turn out great for you

0 sats \ 0 replies \ @OT OP 19 Nov

Thanks.

54 sats \ 4 replies \ @Imyourfed 19 Nov

He's just three years old cute baby who needs a lot of love and cuddling as well as candies too. Man, let him play and do what he wants to do (mostly comfortable things). Be easy on him. Also, I have some books suggestions about parenting if you feel you and your wife can invest sometime into it I would like to share them names with you!

10 sats \ 3 replies \ @OT OP 19 Nov

He seems to have a lot of fun during the day. Maybe it is a little early to get too serious but we know he's capable RN.

Definitely interested in some more books on the topic. I have Unschooled and Free to Learn.

66 sats \ 2 replies \ @Imyourfed 19 Nov

The Happiest Toddler On The Block by Harvey Karp, which teaches you how to communicate with your toddler and boost their confidence and cooperation.

No-Drama Discipline by Daniel J. Siegel and Tina Payne Bryson, which uses the whole-brain approach to teach you how to discipline your child effectively and compassionately.

The Whole-Brain Child by Daniel J. Siegel and Tina Payne Bryson, which explains how a child’s mind works and how to deal with tantrums and emotions.

Busy Toddler's Guide to Actual Parenting: From Their First "No" to Their First Day of School (and Everything In Between).

I copied what these books does from the web, but I should tell you that my friend who is a parent (He has a 6 year old cute daughter) did told me about these books and gave me to help me in advance if I ever become a dad lol! Also, he told me that you don't need to follow everything you read in the book just do what feels would work awesome for you three.

10 sats \ 1 reply \ @OT OP 19 Nov

Thanks for sharing!

0 sats \ 0 replies \ @Imyourfed 19 Nov

My pleasure

62 sats \ 2 replies \ @Undisciplined 19 Nov

I come from closer to your view. People learn when they want to learn and people are very curious, especially little kids. If he's not interested in learning drums, there probably is something he is interested in learning.

Another thought I have is that you and your wife don't necessarily have to come to the same compromise position. If your approaches were contradictory, that would be a problem. It doesn't sound like they are in this case. If one of you is the voice of being a little laid back and the other wants to offer performance incentives, that seems fine.

When I was little my parents insisted I learn an instrument. It was year after year of wasted effort and arguments. Sure, I could play a song from a music sheet, but I never learned how to really play (as in compose/improvise), I never enjoyed it, and now I've forgotten pretty much everything.

19 sats \ 1 reply \ @Imyourfed 19 Nov

Really good advice!

Also, if you are a father tell your kids never to reveal how much their dad HODL

Isn't it a great teaching?

10 sats \ 0 replies \ @Undisciplined 19 Nov

They can't reveal what they don't know.

46 sats \ 2 replies \ @Signal312 19 Nov

Here's what I think might be easier than pushing kids to pursue a certain path like drums.

Restrict the junk activities severely. Like - limit (or eliminate) junk tv, junk games, any kind of endless scroll activity, low quality activities in general
Provide an "enriched" environment. Cool things are around, to engage with (like drums, art materials, outdoor activities), but not necessarily forced
Parents need to be doing interesting activities. Play musical instruments, cook interesting things, make projects, plan events. Not just staring into a laptop (which can be a real issue for a lot of people, including me).

0 sats \ 1 reply \ @bren 19 Nov

Would you recommend classes or just free play to learn about it?

70 sats \ 0 replies \ @Signal312 19 Nov

Not at age 3, just free play.

For instance, about swimming classes for kids. I'd recommend just taking your kids to the pool, regularly, in the summer, and letting them play around.

With 1 kids I did swimming classes, and it was a cold, damp, miserable experience. Not to mention the commute there.

With another, we just went to the pool or lake regularly in the summer. We had fun in the sun, played around in the water with toys, and they definitely learn enough to be safe in the water fairly quickly. If you give one or two hints and nudges about swimming technique, they'll learn to swim.

42 sats \ 0 replies \ @DesertDave 19 Nov

A curious healthy free child will always want to learn. They may not want to learn what you want to teach. I like to be with kids where they are as much as possible.

0 sats \ 0 replies \ @DesertDave 14h

My kids go to a Waldorf school. They encourage playing outside and getting children into their bodies before pushing things like reading. I love this. Kids naturally want to learn. I think if we have to meet them where they are, they can keep that fire alive.