Years ago, when my daughter was just two, I hired a babysitter who checked all the boxes. She was attentive and responsible, and she seemed to genuinely care for my child. And yet…something felt off. I couldn’t explain it. We barely communicated beyond work-related tasks, and being around her felt uncomfortable in ways I couldn’t put into words.

So, I let her go a month later—still unsure why.

Weeks after, I began finding tiny sewing needles in unusual places: by the front door, in the corners of my bedroom. At first, I dismissed it. But then a friend from my culture pointed something out: in some traditions, placing sharp objects like needles in hidden spaces is part of magic rituals meant to harm or manipulate a household. Whether one believes in this or not, it shook me. My body knew something was wrong—before my mind could catch up.

During my first pregnancy, for example, I was walking in the park with my ex-husband, feeling healthy and joyful. Out of nowhere, I said, “If I die, name her Aru. If it’s a boy, name him Zhan.” There was no discussion, no logic behind it. The names just arrived. From where? I can’t say. But I believe they came from a place beyond intellect—something that connects us to deeper wisdom.

In 2017, I was told by doctors that I had a life-threatening condition. Later, it turned out to be a mistake, but in that moment, I couldn't eat or sleep and felt ungrounded.

That night, I came home, sat on the floor, and started to pray. I turned off all noise and searched for how to meditate. I began with 60 minutes a day. I didn’t know what I was doing, but something inside me said: go deeper. And then, literally—I saw a card on my desk that said exactly that: go deeper.