Are we surveilling on each other? \ stacker news ~mostly

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1187 sats \ 13 comments \ @sox 13 Oct mostly_harmless

I was browsing TikTok (I know, I know...) and I stumbled upon a rant video.

I don't know when it became normal, popular, or the standard to behave like a cop in your friendships or relationships with others. But I think it's why none of you have any friends.

It's like throughout your entire friendship all you're doing is just waiting for someone to fuck up, you're banking on the fact that they're going to make some mistake, big or small, real or perceived, and it's going to be a gotcha moment.

And instead of holding them to account, like a good friend, because they're your friends, and you love them, you call them out and you cut them off. And you treat them like they did a crime.

Some of you aren't even waiting, you're surveilling your friends like fucking detectives, you're going through their following list and cross-referencing with locations, story views, likes, comments and shares.

And it's like holy shit do you even love your friends, or are you just salivating to catch them in a lie?

It was mind-blowing to me. I experienced this in many forms throughout my life, but never knew which words to choose to explain it to someone, even myself.

Are we surveilling on each other?

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225 sats \ 1 reply \ @ek 13 Oct

Some of you aren't even waiting, you're surveilling your friends like fucking detectives, you're going through their following list and cross-referencing with locations, story views, likes, comments and shares.

This sounds similar to how I felt hanging out with people who use gendered language. You’re constantly walking on egg shells.

But the case of hanging out and immediately getting corrected is more like policing than surveilling.

50 sats \ 0 replies \ @sox OP 13 Oct

Agreed, this is a perfect example of policing rather than surveilling. It comes from both parts of the spectrum:

people that demands you use a neutral language
people that demands you use gendered language

It's some sort of personal victory, an achievement that makes them say "I'm better than you". And it wasn't even the point of the conversation you were having, it was just their moment to elevate themselves.

200 sats \ 0 replies \ @SimpleStacker 13 Oct

I experienced this in many forms throughout my life

To be honest, this is very foreign to my own experience and I'm thankful for that. I wonder if it's a generational thing, or whether certain ideologies have taken hold so strongly among certain groups of people that I'm not associated with. It's also interesting to me because I am a pretty conservative Christian attending a pretty conservative church, and I've not experienced this, despite the stereotype most people have of churches.

64 sats \ 1 reply \ @ken 13 Oct

Don't be so paranoid!

Btw why didn't you post on Oct 12th???

3 sats \ 0 replies \ @nichro 13 Oct

I couldn't help but notice you aren't wearing the ribbon

0 sats \ 1 reply \ @beyond_turbulence 13 Oct

Not to your friend, but to YOU.

Stop letting people hijack your blueprint.

That feeling, opinion, decision of being "policed"?

That's YOUr internal alarm system, imho—your Architect's Stamp of approval and validation seeking—screaming that someone is violating your core design. You're the architect of your own life, and you're holding a blueprint for a solid, healthy relationship. Their behavior is a Cracked Foundation.

Right now, you're operating on an "Away From" blueprint. You're so focused on reinforcing the walls against this bad behavior that you're just building a bunker, not a home.

Here’s your renovation plan:

Pull Out Your Original Blueprint. What were your core values for this friendship? Trust? Support? Re-read your own specs.
Establish Building Codes. Set boundaries. These aren't walls to keep people out; they're the load-bearing rules that keep the whole structure from collapsing.
Stop Renovating a Condemned Property for $100,000 in downtown Savannah that comes with squatters and homeless people running all thru said condemned property that takes hundreds of thousands of dollars to restore to proper form or sanity. Your energy is finite. Invest it in relationships with co-creators, not officers enforcing fake signage, fiat ideals, and no tolerance for counterspeech; because free speech and property rights are two sides of the same coin. The third side? That’s the edge, essence or nuanced thin or third part of the coin. Feel it?

You're the architect. Stop letting someone else's bad design become your problem because you’re thinking like a contractor or subcontractor. Fire the bad client and build something better.

0 sats \ 0 replies \ @itsrealfake 14 Oct

is this slop?

150 sats \ 1 reply \ @Undisciplined 13 Oct

This is common cult behavior

Allegiance is to the collective, not to the individuals, and you're all means to be used towards the cult's ends.

0 sats \ 0 replies \ @Solomonsatoshi 13 Oct

Libertarians would not indulge in such behaviour, surely?

100 sats \ 0 replies \ @optimism 13 Oct

I can't imagine my friends getting joy out of my fuckups, nor myself out of theirs...

I think this is just a consequence of wrongly assigning the friend label to people? You want to at least have gone through some real shit together, and have some underpinnings for real mutual respect, so that your friend doesn't get annoyed at you fucking up and you try to not fuck up because they are your friend - and vice versa.

0 sats \ 0 replies \ @Solomonsatoshi 13 Oct

Social media does seem to foster cheap and nasty 'gotcha!' trolling as opposed to constructive debate and reasoned contest of ideas.

Here on SNs its not as bad as some other sites but still often difficult to have a constructive debate.

More commonly here it tends to be a Libertarian circle jerk echo chamber where any alternative viewpoints are either ignored or shouted down with shoot the messenger name calling avoidance of the issues.

Libertarians have sometimes complained nobody is prepared to engage with them in reasoned debate, but when such opportunities are presented to them they so often fail to respond in a reasoned manner.

0 sats \ 0 replies \ @carter 13 Oct

social media is the modern day panopticon

0 sats \ 0 replies \ @035736735e 13 Oct outlawed

stackers have outlawed this. turn on wild west mode in your /settings to see outlawed content.