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Mention weddings in Japan, and I'm sure the image of the groom and bride decked out in stunning kimono at a shrine will spring to your mind. While such traditional weddings are still commonplace, more and more Japanese couples opt for Western-style weddings these days, perhaps due to the bride's fervent desire to be walked down the aisle in a spectacular white gown. I was lucky enough to marry a Japanese lady and hold my wedding in Japan. In the process leading up to the wedding, I found that I had to navigate a lot of cultural norms (and avoid the taboos!), some of which I will detail here for your reading pleasure!
Meeting the parents Meeting your girlfriend's parents for the first time is always daunting - an unpleasant prospect compounded by the fact that many Japanese people only introduce to their parents the boyfriend or girlfriend whom they deem as the one they will marry. In other words, I was the first boyfriend my then-girlfriend introduced to her parents! As if this wasn't enough, many of my friends expressed worry for me because there were many unspoken rules of engagement that I might not know but ought to adhere to, if I wanted my girlfriend's parents to form a favorable impression of me. For instance, upon being introduced to them, not only should I sit in seiza (a kneeling position), but I should decline politely and continue to sit in seiza when her parents invite me to sit in a more comfortable position. Only when her parents urge me to stop sitting in seiza for the second or third time can I relax my posture while saying sorry the entire time! So I paid heed to this rule of engagement during my first meeting with her parents. Thankfully, they were more approachable than I had feared. It also helped that I loved to drink shochu (a distilled liquor popular in Kyushu). This helped to lighten up the tense atmosphere as we kept proposing cheers to each other. So this first meeting ended on a positive note, with me gaining her parents' blessings to marry their daughter. Then, it was on to selecting the wedding house.
Choosing the wedding house The great thing about getting married in Japan is that wedding companies offer an one-stop service that is guaranteed to make your wedding day exceptional. Think in-house facilities like a chapel and reception hall as well as professional staff that provide personalized services. Indeed, the problem that many couples face is how to choose a wedding house that best fits their budget. They will usually buy a wedding magazine excitedly as it contains a comprehensive guide on how to get married, including elaborate details of the myriad wedding houses in their prefecture. Then, they will narrow down to a few options and make appointments to visit every one of them. My wife-to-be and I had a great time touring these houses, some of which would not be out of place in a dreamy wonderland - and fantasized about whether their gorgeous facilities would evoke the kind of vibes that encapsulated our idea of a perfect wedding. We also had a rigorous discussion with wedding planners to see if their company had the capacity to make our plans come true. Some companies really went the extra mile to court our business; one wedding house let us to sample the cuisine served at their banquet for free! Savoring the succulent food, I joked to my fiancee that we should continue to visit wedding houses that offered food sampling even after our wedding. She was not amused.
Preparing for the wedding After deciding on the wedding house, it was time to plan for the wedding. And boy, were there many things that we needed to consider. We found ourselves in an intense whirlwind of meetings with people: emcee, florist, photographer, makeup artist, bridal shop assistant, DJ, among others. This was not forgetting the discussions we had with our wedding planner who assiduously coordinated with all staff members and consolidated the details together. We had to plan our guest list too. Because the workplace was so intertwined with the life of Japanese people, we not only had to set aside tables for our superiors and colleagues, but also had to call upon my boss and her superior to give speeches at the wedding. Here, the issue of 'face came into play because my immediate boss actually held a job position that was of lower rank than that of my fiancee's superior. This might cause me to lose 'face' as a result of the 'power imbalance'. Of course, this 'power imbalance' did not strike as an issue to me, so I reassured my boss that I would love to have her deliver her speech. Yet another interesting issue that arose during our wedding was souvenirs. Attending a wedding was costly in Japan as the norm was that guests forked out a typical sum of 30,000 yen - a rather hefty sum. As such, it was also culturally expected that the wedding couple choose a meaningful (and slightly expensive) souvenir so that guests could feel that they 'recouped' part of their money. The various difficulties that we had to overcome in organizing our wedding were stress-inducing at times, but at the same time, I appreciated how I now gained new perspectives into the workings of Japanese society. Who would have thought that the notions of equality and reciprocity were so important in Japanese weddings?
Getting married in Japan was a tedious process for me - from getting the approval of my fiancee's parents to securing the services of a wedding house to making decisions that would please our guests. Luckily, I was blessed with professional staff every step of the way. I really think there's no better place to get married than in Japan, where her people are so thoughtful about meeting their client's needs and conscientious about paying attention to details!
24 sats \ 1 reply \ @DP0604 4h
Wow, I didn't know that weddings were prepared like this in Japan. I know that Japanese culture is incredible. Did you have to do anything else or undergo a cultural ritual to meet your fiancée?
In Latin America we get married, just like women dress in white and we men in tuxedos, but with fewer taboos or cultural rites.
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Indeed, the wedding industry is an institution in itself in Japan.
I didn’t undergo a cultural ritual. I happened to meet my wife at a mutual friend’s wedding. If she hadn’t met me, she would probably have signed up for those speed dating sessions and gallivanted around the city pubs until she met someone
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