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When I was five years old my mom asked me to do all of our laundry this time and I told her it wasn’t fair. “Oh you want fairness?” Since that day and until I left the house I was responsible for 100% of my laundry. I don’t remember being bothered much by it at the time but as I age I have really grown to appreciate my moms, and now my relationship with the word fairness. She instilled independence in me to a degree that I have recently come to realize is rare. She is still the greatest example of no one owes you anything and your life is the sum of your own decisions that I know.
Yeah, I did the same with my sons. They never say it.
The word fair is really just "not what I want". The word itself repulses me. I want grace actually. Not fairness. And saying that is actually humbling.
I think I taught my son well, yesterday he was getting into a mood and complaining "it's not fair", and I reminded him "do you really want what's fair?", he snapped out of his mood, grinned, and said, "I only want what's fair to my advantage"
I've banned my kids from saying "that's not fair". It's one of the phrases that I'll respond to the most harshly. I often say, "Are you sure you want what's fair?"