In response to @billytheked's prompt for memoirs about fighting for freedom (#1267544), i decided to make this post.
This is also related to an old @cryotosensei's post about his friend struggling with whether to take a pay cut for a job with lower stress and better fit (#920156); and @elvismercury's recent post about quitting his job to find something better for himself (#1267318)
I think it's something we can all relate to.
From success to failure
If you've read some of my posts, you'll know that I often say that I teach at a "non-elite" public university.
What you may not know is why I emphasize that so much. It's because I used to teach at an elite university. My first job out of grad school was in a top 20-ranked R1 research university. I had the best academic placement out of my graduating class. I'm not saying this to brag, but to put my experiences in context.
For a variety of reasons, I wasn't able to find success at my first academic job. I had trouble publishing in the prestigious journals that they required me to publish in. A lot of it was my own fault---a naivity about what editors and referees are looking for, and honestly just not putting in enough effort to network with top researchers in the field.
Because of my lack of publishing success, I wasn't able to get tenure in my first academic job. In academia, tenure is an "up or out" system---meaning if you don't get tenure you can't stay in the job. So I had to look for work elsewhere. I could have moved to another R1 institution probably, but that would have required moving to another city... and I had two kids and a wife who were all pretty settled in where we were.
So I decided to limit my job search to my city. This resulted in me taking a job at a much lower ranked university, which also meant a corresponding pay-cut. The pay-cut was quite significant, it was in the 25%-30% range. And remember, academic salaries aren't that good to begin with, so this was quite a painful change to absorb.
From failure to opportunity
For a while, I saw myself as something of a failure. My friends from grad school were getting tenure or promoted and moving up the ladder, whereas it seemed like I was the only one moving downwards.
But the new job came with some hidden blessings. Because the pressure to publish was a lot less, I now had more time to explore other interests. I could also be choosy about what research projects to engage in: no longer did I feel (as much) pressure to publish just for the sake of publishing; I could now choose to only work on projects that I actually cared about, rather than scrambling to publish what others wanted to see.
This resulted in me having more time to explore a range of other things like:
- Work part time for a tech company
- Do consulting work
- Build my first bitcoin node
- Contribute to Stacker News
- Engage in research projects that interest me, but aren't clear candidates for top journal pubs (like the current SN research project I'm engaged with)
These are all things that have shaped me into who I am now. Having a wider range of experiences, I am more confident in my abilities as an economist now than if I had stayed in the R1 university, because my perspectives and skillsets are broader now than they would have been otherwise.
How I know I'm free
Before I had this experience, I would say that I was shackled to someone's else's idea of what life should be. I evaluated myself according to the expectations of others. After this experience, I realized that I'm answerable only to myself, my family, and God.
I still don't make that much money, but there are a few indicators that I can look at and know that I've found real freedom.
- I'm not always looking forward to the next vacation. Vacations are nice, but day to day life is actually better.
- I'm not afraid to lose my job. I have enough projects and interests outside the job that losing it will just feel like an opportunity to explore something new.
- I'm participating in the world of Bitcoin. You can't truly be free unless you have money that's free.
In a way, these three facts make me think I'm probably freer than most of my more successful (on paper) peers. I suppose the advice I'd give a younger version of myself is, "Don't be tied to what others expect from you. Find out what interests you and pursue that. And don't just pursue it as a career. Pursue it as a way of life, such that you no longer even feel the desire to get away from it, and even if the career is taken away from you, you'd still find a way to keep doing what you love."
It's easier said than done. I realize that not everyone even knows what they want at that level, especially young people. But I think if you can say that you've found that, then you can say you've found freedom. (And of course, buy bitcoin too)