I'm stll in the tunnel and darkness and almost all vestiges of normality pretty much got left behind on the ground in australia... 10 years ago. And I still have vivid recollections of the nearly 10 years I was still really cut up about the woman who would have been my wife if I hadn't stumbled into the freewheeling psychedelic nonsense...

The small light for me is that my enduring wishes to help set the world to rights still burns, and right now is the only source of energy, I don't even leave myself hardly an inch to indulge myself.

I think the lesson I'm resisting to learn is to not be constantly in a rigid state of anticipation of the next misery. Times that should merely have been dull have been torturous, for years...

Part of the problem for me is that my inner world is so far divorced from "normal" reality all I do half my day is think about how messed up it is to literally trust people under bright lights and cameras whose sole job is to persuade people who probably will see no effect from what they support so gullibly.

My happiest moments in this decade since I arrived here in europe were mostly when I had literally no money, had to scrape for food, and spent all day walking around just watching the strange places around me and weather and culture I never saw before.

It is really hard to not GAF but I'm here to tell you: you can definitely give too many.