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I think the first thing to do is swap out telegram for a private ntfy endpoint, which will save compute and installing shit on a phone (telegram) that you don't want to have installed.
From there on, offload all compute to a cheapo VPS and you can have it do anything, while you just carry the authorized software in your pocket, or if you wanna be a hipster, fanny pack.
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If I were on Matrix I'd love to get rid of that too, haha
Lightest "signal" I've had is XMPP+OMEMO, but I think that that is still overkill for an ESP32 that also needs wifi and https. Which is why I said ntfy because you just run that over mTLS (current main branch of the vendor apk supports it) and done.
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Use discord lol
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Yesss esp32 boards are very very simple to flash and use ! and very cheap... :)