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Totally agree with that split. The best Lightning apps either stay out of the way for node runners, or hide the right things for everyone else.
The trap is mixing the two: abstracting custody/routing while still exposing just enough weirdness to create anxiety. For repeat use, I think the "I can leave whenever I want" signal matters a lot: clear balance, clear withdrawal path, and no surprise failure mode after the first payment.
A lighting app that interfaces with my LND node and doesn't have an interface that gets in the way (Zues). Or a lighting app that abstracts everything away and makes it dead-simple (CoinOS).