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Go with Zeus + Umbrel. If Tailscale is giving you troubles, try out Lightning Node Connect (LNC). Install the Lightning Terminal app in your Umbrel, fire up the app, and connect Zeus to it with LNC. Running your own lightning node to use lightning is the true self sovereign way. You do have to manage channels and inbound/outbound liquidity by running your node though.
If you don’t want to manage channels and channel liquidity; like many others said in their replies, Phoenix is a good option.
I had it working but somehow it got lost. I got Zeus+Umbrel working again. But still I have to manage the channels, which is pain.
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afaik there are some tools to help auto balance channels for you
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