What do you think leads a loving relationship to break up? My wife and I had been married for 35 years. Raised our children.

Seemed, to our friends, to be living a happily ever after movie.

But the credits hadn’t rolled yet.

I was struggling in my business. We were in the throes of the Great Recession.

My income had been decimated. I talked angry and scared clients off the ledge morning til night.

My wife was directing care for her declining elderly parents. Like raising children again only with none of the fun.

We were frazzled. Nerves raw. Exhausted. On edge with life. And too often with each other.

We rarely talked. We’d both changed through the years of raising our children. And now I wasn’t sure who I was married to.

And had no idea what my wife was feeling since she never said.

One Sunday afternoon my wife was working in her study. I walked in, sat down and said, “Can we talk?”

She looked at me warily. Rarely did talking mean much good.

“Sure, I guess,” she tentatively responded figuring I was there to stay.

“What’s happened to us?” I looked into her eyes.

“What do you mean?”

“I guess, I don’t feel like you love me any longer.”

“Well, I don’t feel much love from you either.”

“Do you love me?”

“Yes. What about you?”

“Yes I do. Though sometimes you can make it just a smidge difficult.”

I smiled. She rolled her eyes and laughed.

We spent the next hour talking. About our feelings, hurts, needs and hopes.

About our relationship, how to renew it and keep it strong.

We recommitted. And later that night re-lit the fire.

We learned to better communicate our feelings. So we didn’t drift from each other.

Oh, and to keep relighting the fire, which really is the most fun.

You can keep your relationship strong as you lovingly communicate when it isn’t.