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Both but more so following my nose I'd guess. Pursuing status is conforming ambitiously ... and I find conforming really disappointing for some reason. It gives me none of the feelings I want to have about myself.
It's funny where you can wind up, if you just keep taking small steps toward things that seem harmless, e.g., enjoying that you're a big deal and doing stuff that would make you an even slightly bigger deal. Years later you look at yourself and find that you've become a monster. Or, less dramatically, a douchebag.
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With some pain, I'm imagining being a big deal and wanting to be a bigger deal ... but holy shit I'm in a prison made of other people's perceptions.
Or, less dramatically, a douchebag.
Terrifying!
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We all are prisoners. The only question is how well we recognize which prisons hold us.
Or, as DFW said, everybody worships.
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We all are prisoners. The only question is how well we recognize which prisons hold us.
You're right! I have not shaken off worship, nor would I want to.
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