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Pixel with Graphene. Start with self hosting your basics services first though (contacts, caldendars, documents, media) otherwise you'll be reliant on a big tech provider still.
Any Google Play apps you can't do without should be run in a separate user account on the phone.
I have found that the Nextcloud contacts, calendar, and media apps are still extremely raw and lacking many features. Additionally, the outdated designs and UI/UX can be quite frustrating. I tried hosting them myself for a few months, but eventually switched to the Proton ecosystem. Altough i'm still relient on Proton, they offer E2E encryption. I also do regular backups, which gives me peace of mind. Currently, I only use Nextcloud for backups and notes/tasks.
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Yeah Nextcloud is pretty garbage. I ended up using Baikal for calendars and contacts, Syncthing for documents, Jellyfin for music / film, Calibre for ebooks, Photoprism for photos.
Sounds complicated which is why I tried Nextcloud first. But it's actually really easy to spin up some docker containers vs the hideously buggy and unpolished nightmare that is Nextcloud.
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For the calendar you can also use caldav with nextcloud to sync, an try the calendar app from fdroid. Never really used contacts but it should work with davx5 too if you are interested.
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