Your bulletpoints are spot on.
Your "other technical ideas" resonates with me because I do like to try different apps. But, contacts do not always show up in a new app. I also find that bookmarks and followers don't always sync up.
Thanks!
I found this tool for fixing your contact lists: https://metadata.nostr.com/ You could also try https://nostrsync.live/
With different clients the possibility is there you're connected to different relays each (they also load in different orders). It depens on how a client has implemented this. So this may lead to those differences when you view your data. My DMs, numbers of followers also are always different when I compare them in a client. Part of the design of Nostr: there is no single source of truth.
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Thanks! I will try those out.
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