It's not about comparing events, but connecting through emotions. Learn how empathy and shared emotional experiences can bridge gaps and heal, rather than judging others' reactions. #EmotionalConnection #Empathy #NewHappy
Here's one of my principles for happier life.
Don't compare events — connect through emotions.
You have seen this sequence play out millions of times in your own life: An event or thought occurs → An emotion results.
For example:
  • Your friends leave you out → you feel rejected.
  • You lose your job → you feel afraid.
  • You are criticized → you feel shame.
  • You witness devastating world events → you feel helpless.
When we witness someone else who is suffering, we make one mistake again and again: we judge why an event led to an emotion. Here's what that sounds like.
  • “I wouldn’t react like that.”
  • “Why hasn’t she gotten over that yet?”
  • “She should just be grateful things aren’t worse.”
  • “This shouldn’t make you so upset.”
  • “You don’t have anything to be depressed or anxious about.”
  • “Compared to other people, your pain is not a big deal. Snap out of it.”
Judgment will never help alleviate pain; only empathy and compassion can do that. To tap into these qualities, we need to focus on the emotion that the other person is feeling. Because the truth is that, while our experiences vary so greatly, our emotions are strikingly similar to one another. Pain is pain is pain; jealousy is jealousy is jealousy; anger is anger is anger.
Believe it or not, your worst enemy has felt the grief you’re feeling now. Your horrible boss has been consumed with anxiety, too. We can bond over our shared experience of the emotion without ever judging why they feel this way or don’t feel that way.
Here is the process to use:
  1. When you encounter someone who is in suffering, shift your focus from the event to the emotion.
  2. Identify what painful emotions they are feeling.
  3. Think about a time that you felt those same emotions.
  4. Try to bring yourself back to that feeling and re-immerse yourself in it as much as you can, thinking about what you wanted to hear in that moment.
When we focus on the emotions that we share, we don't have to be torn apart by our different experiences. Instead of comparing our pain, we are connected through it.
We all experience the same emotions
Except about 10% of the population