You can use https://github.com/lightningequipment/circuitbreaker to limit the number of pending HTLCs and "push" the financial risk towards the (potentially spamming) sender.
do you have your limits to set 1 pending per peer or are there some peers that you trust more and give higher pending limits? Or is 1 excessively limited?
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I have limits, but higher than one. I also have limits like "X attempts per hour", and I also have higher limits for some trusted peers (which I could reach out to, if need be).
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Do you have a spec on reasonable thresholds? Seems like something everyone should do the right way. I kicked on circuit breaker with the defaults (5 pending / 3600 per hour) and racked up 400 fails on one of my channels. Eased back there but that was unexpected. Using Queue mode now as well...
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I'm currently manually setting low pending/max hourly rates for a few nodes that I have noticed went offline several times over the last week.
Does trusting a node also mean that you know they have circuit breaker logic that you are matching? Seems like an otherwise trusted node could have no breaker or too high of settings...
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