The bill, informally named Shitcoin Bailout, mimics the longstanding American Farm Bill and will result in the issuance of relief payments for the hardest-hit crypto-producers in years when losses are insurmountable.

We are talking about leading edge mathematicians, cryptographers, brilliant, brilliant people. They have been affected heavily by unpredictable market forces. Kirsten Gillibrand explained to reporters. Can you take a Gorilla, convert him to kilobytes and preserve him for tens, or even thousands of years?

The bottom line is, we need to ensure these people can put food on the table. She continues. Every week another alt-coin innovator throws in the towel because of the brutally competitive environment. We cannot afford to let our most gifted engineers resort to taking humble jobs at stock-icon providers.

Among the more fascinating questions raised on the senate floor were from freedom and human-rights oriented senator Lindsey Graham who wondered, Can we arm and train those gorillas before preserving them? And can we airdrop kilobytes in hostile states by the million?

Shamelessly grabbing the opportunity to raise awareness about her own initiatives, Elizabeth Warren could be seen flashing two QR codes to reporters, marked FOR and AGAINST for her donors to signal which way she ought to vote. The largest of these two UTXOs determines my vote. This is democracy of the future.

At the time of publication, Northrop Grumman, Lockheed Martin and Raytheon dipped 7%, 6% and 9% respectively. The bitcoin mempool instantly blossomed to new heights of 730 sats/vByte. —— If you like my satire, send sats.