This is Chapter 19 of The Universal Good Deal, you may want to start at the beginning or go back to Chapter 18.

19

John Ross, the Association's founder and first secretary, hadn’t given much thought to the Association for some years, and the arrival of the Aliens drove it even further from his ken. You may imagine his surprise, when he heard on a news report that the Association—his Association—had been given a large building in the nation’s capital, and was the primary liaison with the Aliens.

Ross arrived—uninvited—at the new headquarters only days after Barrow moved in with his staff. He had been brooding on the Aliens. Gradually, in Ross's mind this towering figure of the Alien had been growing more and more ominous, until its menace overshadowed everything, throwing the blight of its shadow over future generations, a veritable doom for the land and its people.¹

Barrow was immersed in a hectic schedule due to the Association's sudden growth, and was unfortunately compelled to keep Ross waiting for several hours.

The Association's new headquarters enjoyed an impressive lobby, which was a great thing of pillars and open spaces. It was not so vast, however, that it prevented Ross from witnessing an Alien, who was on his way out after having conducted some business or other, stopping by one of the female receptionists and chatting in a familiar manner.

Ross immediately charged the Alien waving a knife and screaming, 'Here's the answer of the human race to Alien lips that dare pollute with words the womanhood of Earth!'²

Now, you may consider such a reaction a bit much. Indeed, I myself have trouble understanding it as anything but a demented act—even viewing Ross's aggression through the lens of the cataclysmic destruction that was to accompany the Alien presence on the planet. However, in order to bring the fullest historical context to the matter I feel the need to explain several points.

The Aliens did not bring any females (at first),³ a circumstance which puzzled the Martians exceedingly.⁴ Especially, since it was quickly becoming clear that the Aliens—whenever they weren't engaged in commerce—were mostly interested in finding pretty girls to have sex with.⁵

This conduct of the Aliens among the Martians to their women was highly blameable, as it created jealousy in their men.⁶ But it is also said that the Martian men were naturally very jealous, and that nothing caused them greater pain than when one went with their women.⁷

Also, it is, I believe, universally allowed, that the Martian women of this era made less difficulty in granting sexual favors than those of any other civilized planet.⁸ They must have naturally been inclined that way,⁹ for the scale of dissolute sensuality to which their society had ascended was wholly unknown to every other people with whose manners I am familiar, and which no imagination could possibly conceive.¹⁰

For instance, it seems to have been the case that their women, being very libidinous, made the penises of their husbands swell to such a size as to appear deformed; and this was accomplished by a certain artifice, being the swallowing of some small poisonous pill,¹¹ and by reason of this many lost their virile organ and remained eunuchs.¹²

By way of further evidence, it has been said that the Martians had a dance, called Hippity-Hop, which was performed by young girls, whenever eight or ten of them were together, consisting of motions and gestures beyond imagination wanton, accompanied by words, which, if it were possible, more explicitly conveyed the same ideas.¹³

Whatever the case, the sex was a normal thing.¹⁴ There was no particular price, and the Aliens could give the Martians a present of any sort,¹⁵ because these people set such a high value on Alien goods, and all Aliens had access to such articles.¹⁶ In their innocence, these women were perfect specimens to whom the sexual act was as natural and innocent an act as nature intended it to be.¹⁷

Of course, there is ample room for further research on this topic. Many modern scholars are very desirous to determine the great question of whether the Martian women of this era had or had not that fleshy flap or apron which has been called the Sinus pudoris.¹⁸ Another difficult and rather delicate question, though of great importance in natural history, is that of the rape of Martian women of this era by baboons and apes—unfortunately, I am not able to take up the search for answers to such in this volume.¹⁹

In truth, the historian can say there was little about their culture that could truly be called lewd or salacious. I except their symbolical dances, which, to say the truth, were a little phallic.²⁰

Chapter 19 tomorrow, same time, same place.

Gradually in his mind for days this towering figure of the freed Negro had been growing more and more ominous, until its menace overshadowed the poverty, the hunger, the sorrow, and the devastation of the South, throwing the blight of its shadow over future generations, a veritable Black Death for the land and its people. Thomas Dixon, Jr., The Leopard's Spots: A Romance of the White Man's Burden—1865 – 1900 1908 ↩
The answer of the Anglo-Saxon race to Negro lips that dare pollute with words the womanhood of the South. Thomas Dixon, Jr., The Leopard's Spots: A Romance of the White Man's Burden—1865 – 1900 1908 ↩
He didn't have any women of his own kind with him. Mokei Kubal Nori, in Bob Connolly and Robin Anderson, First Contact: New Guinea's Highlanders Encounter the Outside World 1987 ↩
A circumstance which puzzled them exceedingly, our having no women with us. James Cook, Three Voyages of Captain James Cook Round the World 1821 ↩
y en lo que mas se empleaban era en buscar una buena india ó haber algun despojo; y lo que comun mente hacian era reñir á los amigos porque eran tan crueles y por quitalles algunos indios ó indias porque no los matasen. Bernal Diaz, Historia verdadera de la conquista de la Nueva España 1632 ↩
This conduct of Europeans amongst savages to their women, is highly blameable; as it creates a jealousy in their men, that may be attended with consequences fatal to the success of the common enterprize, and to the whole body of adventurers, without advancing the private purpose of the individual, or enabling him to gain the object of his wishes. James Cook, Three Voyages of Captain James Cook Round the World 1821 ↩
The natives are very jealous, and nothing causes them greater pain than when one goes with their women. Hernan Cortes to Alvaro de Saavedra Ceron, 1527 translated by Matthew Restall, When Montezuma Met Cortes 2018 ↩
It is, I believe, universally allowed, that the women, both of the Spanish and Portuguese settlements in South America, make less difficulty in granting personal favours, than those of any other civilized country in the world. James Cook, An Account of a Voyage Round the World, in the Years 1768, 1769, 1770, and 1771 ↩
The natives are naturally inclined that way. Michael Leahy, 21 October 1934 ↩
there is a scale in dissolute sensuality, which these people have ascended, wholly unknown to every other nation whose manners have been recorded from the beginning of the world to the present hour, and which no imagination could possibly conceive. James Cook, An Account of a Voyage Round the World, in the Years 1768, 1769, 1770, and 1771 ↩
Their women, being very libidinous, make the penis of their husbands swell to such a size as to appear deformed; and this is accomplished by a certain artifice, being the bite of some poisonous animal, and by reason of this many lose their virile organ and remain eunuchs. Amerigo Vespucci, Letter of Amerigo Vespucci on the Islands Newly Discovered in His Four Voyages, 1507 ↩
This undeclared ingredient may interact with nitrates found in some prescription drugs, such as nitroglycerin, and may lower blood pressure to dangerous levels. US Food and Drug Administration, “Public Notification: Big Penis contains hidden drug ingredient.” 16 July 2019 ↩
Among other diversions, there is a dance, called Timorodee, which is performed by young girls, whenever eight or ten of them can be collected together, consisting of motions and gestures beyond imagination wanton, in the practice of which they are brought up from their earliest childhood, accompanied by words, which, if it were possible, would more explicitly convey the same ideas. James Cook, An Account of a Voyage Round the World, in the Years 1768, 1769, 1770, and 1771 ↩
Sex was a normal thing. There would be something wrong with you if you didn't want sex. Dan Leahy, in Bob Connolly and Robin Anderson, First Contact: New Guinea's Highlanders Encounter the Outside World 1987 ↩
There was no particular price, but you'd give them a present. Dan Leahy, in Bob Connolly and Robin Anderson, First Contact: New Guinea's Highlanders Encounter the Outside World, 1987 ↩
Because, though these people set a high value upon spike-nails, yet these being an article with which many people in the ship were provided, the women found a much more easy way of procuring them than by bringing down provisions. James Cook, An Account of a Voyage Round the World, in the Years 1768, 1769, 1770, and 1771 ↩
perfect specimens of womanhood to whom the sexual act is as natural and innocent an act as nature intended it to be. Michael Leahy, 20 October 1934 ↩
We were very desirous to determine the great question among natural historians, whether the women of this country have or have not that fleshy flap or apron which has been called the Sinus pudoris, and what we learnt I shall relate. James Cook, An Account of a Voyage Round the World, in the Years 1768, 1769, 1770, and 1771 ↩
A difficult and rather delicate question, though of great importance in natural history, is that of the rape of women by baboons and apes. William Winwood Reade, Savage Africa 1864 ↩
I except their symbolical dances, which, to say the truth, are a little phallic. William Winwood Reade, Savage Africa 1864 ↩

19

Footnotes