*This is Chapter 5 of Who Brought the Steak Tartare?, you may want to go back to Chapter 4 or start at the beginning.

Because of the political nature of the expedition, there was little time for training the crew. Barrow and Welles wanted the expedition to depart as soon as the Investigator was complete. The crew members were briefed about the layout of the ship, and the rules and regulations they were required to obey. Everything else was to be explained en route. There would be plenty of time.

Indeed, this was Flinders greatest concern. A great misfortune of the Martians’ rudimentary approach to space-travel was that they had to face without aid the awful distances in space. It was expected that it would take the crew two and a half years to reach Jupiter, and in the whole of that very long time, the eight crew members would be limited to the crowded interior of the Investigator. As the size of the crew increased, Flinders devoted more and more time to planning for their entertainment.

‘I think we should add a couple of prostitutes to the crew,’ he said to Barrow and Welles.

‘A prostitute?’ said Barrow.

‘Two—one of each sex, ideally. Hopefully people who are open to a wide variety of kinks.’

‘We’re not sending prostitutes with you,’ said Barrow.

‘It’s the best option we’ve got!’ said Flinders. ‘You can’t expect the crew to be content watching movies the whole time. Boredom is the biggest problem we’re going to face. Why isn’t a prostitute one of the first people you think of sending on a mission like this?’

Barrow flatly refused.

Later, Welles said to Barrow, ‘You know, he’s not entirely wrong.’

‘We can’t send prostitutes on the most important space mission ever attempted by human beings!’

‘You admit that if they fail, it will most likely be because of boredom?’

‘It’s illegal.’

‘That has nothing to do with whether it’s necessary,’ said Welles. ‘They’re going to be on that ship for years. There’s going to be sex, no matter who we send. We might as well diffuse some of the sexual tension.’

Barrow allowed that Welles possibly had a point, but insisted that there was room for only one, and the real nature of the role should be kept secret. Welles said that she knew a woman who was perfectly suited to the position.

‘Who’s going to keep her from getting bored?’ asked Barrow.

‘Every great castle needs a breach,’ said Welles.¹

And this is how the famous Greenstockings came to be included on the expedition. I may remark that this woman, whom the crew designated Greenstockings on account of her dress, was considered a great beauty.²

When Barrow and Welles announced this last-minute addition to the crew—they termed her an entertainment officer—there was an immediate uproar. The spaceship had been designed for only eight crew members, and the addition of a ninth, when construction was almost complete, created a number of problems—not least of which was that there were only eight sleeping chambers. Martian scientists determined that private space for each individual was essential to maintaining mental health. In keeping with the tribalism the Martians so often evinced, Barrow and Welles decided that the two Chinese astronauts could share a sleeping chamber.