I was in a similar situation, minus the kids, which must make everything 10x harder. That was a bit ago, now, and I'm trying to remember what would have been helpful for me at that time.

Maybe these two things.

Thing 1: You and your wife will each have a heavy load to bear, in different ways. Judging by your post, I'm getting the feeling like you might pretend that this isn't true, that you're fine, that the person who's really suffering is your wife, and you don't deserve to have any feelings of your own about the matter. It's a noble attitude, but you're a person too, and if you don't take care of yourself, too, you will become useless to yourself and to those around you. I don't know what 'take care of yourself' means for you, but the need is real. The tach is going to be in the yellow a lot, no matter what you do; try to keep it out of the red. Your wife will need that.

Thing 2: A lot of advice out comes out of the woodwork when someone gets a cancer diagnosis. You're a bitcoiner, you're used to the idea of doing your own research. This is one of the times when judgment matters, and the opinions of people who've spent their careers training and practicing for this should count for more than people who halfway read a book one time. Again, judging by your post and comments, it sounds like you've got the right attitude here, but it can be fucking maddening to hear everyone's hot takes on this topic when in your position. So maybe get ready for that, if you aren't already.

All the best.