I am mostly on board with you. Every suggested option is objectively terrible (besides maybe #2), not saying the one I drew up in paint isn't. I do however like it more than almost every other option I've seen suggested. The kebab makes me want to die.

"Sats" might be here to stay, might not. Sats are well recognized by early innovators, "real bitcoiners" or some devs and/or those who actually care about the 'lore' of bitcoin, but if bitcoin ever just becomes universally understood as money that >99% of people only choose to use because the other 99.9%+ of the world uses it, then the only true universally understood and accepted name for the asset on the Bitcoin network will be bitcoin. "Bucks" are well recognized as dollars, but never legally or formally speaking.. probably a similar fate for "sats".

Also my point remains that I believe Satoshi himself would be shaking his head at the community for coming to that consensus.