Being right can feel really good. I was a master of being right in my past life. I strategically set up my reality in such a way as to make sure I was always, “in the right”. I was the boss, the father, the provider. I always felt in control. No one around me could tell me anything because I was in charge of the situation, or least I thought so. When people spoke, I was crafting the perfect response to let them know how they were wrong. I was almost never listening. Even if we were in agreement, I would seek to be a contrarian, just for the sake of feeling right, safe, in control. I was very insecure.
When Bitcoin first started to click for me, I was excited. I was going to save everyone. I couldn't wait to interrupt people and tell them how wrong they were. And about this new magical internet money that was going to change their lives forever. But, they couldn't hear me. But... I knew I was right about this. How could they not see the truth. It was so obvious. Why won't they listen!!! It was quite frustrating.
With parenting, I have observed the same thing. When we talk to our children like adults, explain to them why things are the way they are, ask questions... They often grow to be our friends and allies. When we bark orders at them and tell them, this is the way it is because I am THE parent and you are MY child, they generally will fight back in some form. They want to understand, not be told what to do. Just like you and I.
So, these days, I do my best to listen first. If I hear people speaking on a topic of which I feel have insight, I first sit quietly... observe...listen intently...pause...consider. This helps me gather information and understand where they are coming from, so I may meet them where they are, as opposed to attempting to impose my radical reality. I learn a new perspective. If I do decide to offer my input, I aim to speak from a place of, "I don't know but maybe... What do you think?". I ask questions that have the potential to draw out the insight from the other, without any force.
I have noticed that us humans do not like to be told we are wrong. Even if someone just gives of a vibe that they are superior, or they know better, we pick up on that and we will not be in a place to receive new insights or perspective. No one wants to be talked down to. We are not able to convince each other of things. We may ask questions and guide in a way, but attempting to convince people tends toward a power struggle, where all parties end up deeper into their own close minded belief system. True insights always comes from within, with no force. You can lead a horse to water...
And to give up being “right”, does not mean to be “wrong”. Maybe, it can just mean every perspective is valid.
In my experience, this practice is incredibly freeing. I learn so much. I get to remain the student and grow with my fellow humans. When I approach an interaction with an open mind and heart, release the need to be right, I open myself up to new information. By asking more questions, I feel more able to teach others by allowing them to learn for themselves.
What happens when we give up the need to be right?
Is there a such thing as right and wrong?
Can we really save anyone?
I believe, when we show up loving, open, as a student, ready to listen, grow, and connect, we are far more effective in communicating our ideas and leaving an impact. What do you think?
I love to hear everyone's thoughts on this.
You could convince me I am wrong, though.