Thanks for all the answers. For context:

I've been talking about how ridiculous Proof-Of-Stake is for years. When came across the "the Lightning Network is Proof-Of-Stake" idea on Twitter, I felt offended. But I thought about it, and there are definitely some similarities there. It's not exactly Proof-Of-Stake, but... Instead of admitting the idea to myself, I came here to consult with you experts. And thanks to you all, I can keep on saying Proof-Of-Stake is ridiculous!

All's well that ends well.