It sounds like your journey with religion has been quite thought-provoking and complex, especially considering your upbringing in a Christian household with your father being a pastor. It's not uncommon for individuals raised in religious environments to experience periods of questioning and reevaluation as they mature into their own beliefs and identities.

Your insight about feeling constrained by certain limitations of being a "Christian" resonates with many who have grappled with the expectations and doctrines of organised religion. While religion can offer valuable lessons and guidance, it can also impose boundaries that may feel confining or restrictive to individual growth and exploration.

The use of fear and guilt as tools for control within religious contexts is indeed a significant aspect to consider. The concept of the "devil" and its associated power can be amplified by such tactics, influencing individuals' perceptions and experiences within their faith communities.

Exploring these dynamics and reflecting on personal experiences can lead to a deeper understanding of one's relationship with religion and spirituality. It's commendable that you've engaged in critical introspection and have been open to questioning and reevaluating your beliefs, even amidst familial and societal expectations. This journey of self-discovery and discernment is an essential part of personal growth and autonomy.