My mental health truly fascinates me 😅

For years I used to think that it was a weakness. I was embarrassed and ashamed by it. I didn't know how to handle it and quite frankly it used to crush me.

I genuinely thought that if I was open and honest about it that I would have my kids carted off for being an unfit mum, or that I would be pumped full of pills that I didn't want to take. I would blame myself for being this way and I thought that if I lost weight that the voids would disappear, that I would be healed, that surely the reason I felt so bad was because I was useless at looking after myself, that I should know better and do something about it!

I would set myself targets to lose 10lb in a week. I would make sure that I ate nothing but salad all week so that the scales went in my favour. If I felt particularly bad, I would go days without consuming anything but coffee. I would set myself impossible work goals and when I didn't hit them I would call myself a failure.

It took me a long time to accept that it isn't going away, because for as long I am in existence, I have a mind and I need to look after the health of that mind.

Once I had accepted this, I had to learn how to live with being me, warts and all. I had to learn that I am absolutely and utterly perfectly imperfect! I had to learn how to deal with the peaks and the troughs and realise that these peaks and troughs are actually my superpower!

So when I am in my trough - I take the time to understand how I am feeling and why. I write it all down. I journal. I have even written poetry! I take the time to feel whatever I am feeling and I no longer stay quiet about it. I still hide away but I let people know why and that I will come out when I am ready.

When I am climbing back up - I plan. A LOT. But, I also ask for help as this is the time when my head feels like it's in a washing machine. This period can feel the most intense because I still feel overwhelmed by life but I am ready to get moving again. This is also the time when people close to me will start to ask if I am OK because my moods can change so rapidly.

When I am at the peak - I action everything I have planned, or at least I try to but sometimes I can fall off the edge and end up in the trough again, after all my minds gotta keep me guessing 😬

Whatever place I am in though - I am doing my best. My best is good enough. I am a good mum (most of the time). I am bloody amazing at my job. I eat well (mostly). I am bloody gorgeous no matter my size! And, most importantly I am in control because I have learnt how to work with my mental health rather than try to get rid of it.

If you are reading this then please know that you are not alone! That mental health affects us all, whether we know it or not and that you truly don't have to go it alone.

Take the time to understand YOUR mental health. Take the time to understand you and what you can do to help yourself in the peaks and the troughs. And then figure out how to embrace yourself, because like me - you are perfectly imperfect and my dear, you, are a f*cking superhero!