i feel like the time we have in life speeds up as we continue to get older. i've noticed it ever since my college years began, and up until now. i think alot of factors play into this, such as:

pretty much anything that adds excitement, or fun to fill your days. this is when you think to yourself:

"time flies when you're having fun." "where did the time go?"

but have you ever had an experience where time just completely slowed down? where a few hours can feel like days, and the days feel neverending? where all that familiar excitement is taken away, and all you're left is with yourself and your mind.

as my time here in japan is coming to a close (tonight is my last night in my apartment), i want to reflect on how the concept of time has played a huge role in shaping who i am today.

the first two weeks alone were the slowest weeks of my life. i knew nothing, no one, or what the heck it was like living somewhere else besides the city and house i grew up in in the states. i still vividly remember the day i had to walk away from my boyfriend at tokyo station, and get on the bullet train back to the city i was living. i got this sense of survival mode kicking in, because i began to realize i was truly on my own.

however, as soon as i got back to my apartment, and i felt like I wanted to die. the days were so (fucking) slow, and all my mind could think about was hugging my parents, sister, and boyfriend, hanging out with my friends, walking up and down my favorite local beach every weekend, and eating at all my favorite food places around town.

to combat the loneliness, i printed pictures of all these things at family mart. i posted them on the wall of my apartment fridge, and would just stare at it for hours, red and puffy eyed. i remember that first saturday here, cooking and eating dinner in front of that wall.

i was fighting the temptation to leave because of how hard it was. my comfort zone was tested to the limits, and there was even a point where i almost bought a return flight home.

but, there was something inside of me that kept telling me to really try to stick it out. and i am forever thankful that i did.

i learned to simply exist one day a time, and if i was alive, then that was a good sign. that existence turned into productive living, and whatever tasks or things i had to take care of within that day were all that mattered. then, that produtive living gradually turned into what i believe is now thriving. time began to feel somewhat normal again, and all of sudden:

here i am now, understanding that things don't always work out which is okay. onto bigger and better things!

here are some things i've learned in time slowing down:

when you're left with no choice but to fend for yourself, you are forced to adapt to whatever situations that come your way. from figuring out how to open a bank account, to not getting lost on buses and trains, it's like solving daily life puzzles. at first, it's really scary, but it's so beneficial when taking on real life scenarios.

accepting the ordeal that is in front of you is better than resisting it. time slows down alot when you pick and find all the bad things within a brand new enviornment. as you accept what your reality is, you become more optimistic about what the future holds. i personally did not like the area i got placed here in japan at all. however, it was still japan and i got the opportunity to live here for a bit. that is already cool in itself. i accepted it, and i made it bearable for my time being.

as i have said several times, being abroad is the true test of your comfort zone. there is nothing else like it and i will always wish for everyone to try this at least once in their lives if they can. when you're uncomfortable and in the face of new and unfamiliar things, time is agonzingly slow. the discomfort i felt with true loneliness is unmatched, however, it was worth every second of becoming more confident, communicative, and gaining clarity for what i want moving forward.

if i didn't learn to do this, i would have turned around to go back home the day i landed here. when you think negatively, you will attract it. the reverse also happens when you think positively. again, this goes back to time. positive thinking leads to thriving where time just flies, and negative thinking leads to merely surviving, where time can feel sluggish and agonizing to get through. i try to keep my mindset positive, so i can remain healthy and uplifted during the times that seem tough.

i hope this post can help anyone that feels like they have days that never seem to end, or times that feel too slow where nothing seems right at all.

you are capable of getting through the hard shit to get to the good shit.