Facebook Memories reminded me that I had written this a decade ago.

22 May 2013 I didn't want to join my colleagues for a boys' night out, especially since I had to work the next day while they had the day off, but it was hard to say nope to my colleague who had me in mind as he planned this exclusive rendezvous. And so, I went. It was an interesting session, to say the least. Even when everyone was chugging down their drink, they never lost their tact. One guy sought approval from my principal first before he proceeded to relate some interesting events (read: some of my female co-workers don't get along) in the vaguest of ways that left us (or me, at least) none the wiser. My supervisor was about to chime in about the deeply unspoken ways of the Japanese but I was already egging my colleague on to "ハッキリいいなさい！(Just spill the beans!)". On the top of my bucket list is a trip around the world; although I was feverishly excited about living in Japan, a part of me couldn't shake off my angst about not working on this resolution. So, I rationalised then that I would see as much of Japan as I could. And now, this part of me makes me really scared about returning to Singapore. There's a lot to be said about following one's dreams, of course but what if, try as hard as I might, I never get to travel as much again? But I realise: I'm also returning to Singapore with a calmness of mind that I would have never foreseen 2 years ago. A calmness that is rooted in gratitude for ordinary everyday experiences such as this that a backpacker might not have access to. A calmness that stems from a pride gained from knowing that these 2 years of not working on my resolution were not spent in vain, for I have worked really hard on learning Japanese.

And my response:

So I was living life up ten years ago, spilling the tea (this Gen Z lingo didn’t exist back then!) and bonding with my colleagues over my favourite beverage - BEER! 🍺 I would never have expected to be typing this right now in my kitchen, leaving my two kids to the custody of the ever reliable TV set, trying to get things off my mind before I continue with the household chores.

Travel meant the world to me back then, and I could never conceive a me without roaming the earth and gallivanting the lesser known corners. These days, I would be lucky enough if I get to enjoy breakfast by myself, feeling the smooth blanket of solitude light up my soul. Yes, my writing is melodramatic but you get the idea.

Thankfully, though, I don’t feel resentful about being stuck in Singapore. Rampant travel is not in the cards for me, but I dare say I’m boosting my cultural versatility through interacting with foreigners on SN and Reddit. The world is a huge place, so even if I don’t get to marvel at certain landmarks and partake in various customs, I connect with global citizens over language, parenting, and Bitcoin, among other things.

Other than raising two kids, I have also found a goal of my own: make $150 from Google Adsense via my personal blog. I know it sounds silly, but I want to carve my own space and perhaps leave a legacy behind, something that is totally unrelated to my identities as a teacher and as a father. This goal is important to me (as of now), so I wish to tell the younger me: Travel isn’t everything. Pursuing your authentic self is. Don’t grieve too hard over your lost travel opportunities.