My daughter asked me: "Mom, when I grow up, won't I be able to be an aunt?" This question arose from her analysis when she understood that I don't want to have more children, at least that's what I told her when she asked me to have a few years ago. a little brother, I think almost all first children want it. My daughter began by telling me: "Mom, I want to have a brother", it hurt me to answer her, but I had to explain to her that there are women who want to have several children, others only want to have one, and there are even women who simply do not want to have children, that last one. She was very surprised, I told her that it is a personal decision and whichever one you choose is fine, I told her that I am one of those women who only wants to have one and that I feel good and happy that way, besides that having another child is not that simple, It requires much more than diapers.

The reality is this: When I was younger and I didn't have my princess, I wanted to have 2 children, my story, the one I wanted for myself, was totally different from what I planned. I got pregnant without wanting it, looking for it, much less planning it, the contraceptive failed, the boxes always say "98% effective"... I was the 2% and ok, no problem, I faced the situation as best I could with many mistakes, successes , difficulties and blessings. After my experience I told myself "I can't, I don't want to have more children" that was at the beginning, the first few years, but then I thought "Maybe yes, but in about 3 years, I wouldn't like to have children who take too many children." years apart." In my mind I was planning the things I need to have a second baby and not have hardships again, this was the list:

-Be mentally prepared and emotionally ready. -Take maternity courses, respectful parenting, breastfeeding, etc. (something I already do for and with my daughter). -Search clinics and obstetrician to plan. -Have a house. -Stable and well-paid sources of income. -Plan at least the first 2 years of life, diapers, clothing, medical insurance, have an emergency fund exclusively for pregnancy. -Be close to my family.

I may be forgetting something, but that was the most basic thing I had in mind about the requirements I needed to have another baby. Given my situation, all the plans keep changing, readjusting, so much so that in the end I ended up giving up on that idea, that of having a second baby, for a while I wanted it, I imagined what it would all be like again and how happy I would be. my daughter with her dream brother. I am still grieving for the decision I made to give up, my age is not the same, my daughter is getting older and I really don't want to be pregnant when my daughter is 20 years old. Of the plans I have drawn up, not even 15% have been fulfilled.

I feel guilty, people ask me "don't you plan to have more children", "your daughter is going to be alone when you are not here", I only answer "I'm fine that way". Obviously if I think about those things, I have brothers and for me they are the best that my parents could have given me and to think that my daughter is going to miss out on that experience hurts me, to think that my daughter is not going to feel what it is like to love a sister. or the complicity of that company, it is sad, I feel selfish, because I am overcoming everything, my plans, goals and comforts. I have a whole whirlwind of thoughts in my mind between: "It's not the moment yet" "I just feel comfortable with her" "I'm afraid" "Yes I want" "My daughter would be the best big sister there is" "I'm afraid she's alone." "It is also wrong to have more children just because, without really wanting it but only to please society or out of fear of the loneliness that your eldest child may experience"

How do I explain those things to a girl? I know that in the future, when she is older, she will understand why I made that decision, it is not only for me, it is for her too, it was ridiculous to think about bringing another life into the world, when I have not even given my daughter everything yet. what you need. The answer can be simple and painful: yes, it is better to have siblings than to be an only child, but if the situation is not ideal, it is better to be an only child, it is better to have a single child who is well fed, educated, living in a dignified manner, than having 2 children going hungry. Unfortunately I have to accept that life has thrown me into paths that I did not think I would face and even worse my daughter is suffering from it, so, even though it hurts, I must let go of some of the ideals I had for my life, and do the best I can with what I can. that I have.