Thanks for your considerate response. I recognise they are valuable, they have brought a lot of value and support in the past, but I feel that the only way to stay true to myself is to cut the connections and found new ways of living. It's hard to accept their way, because it's not motivating at all, if not self self-destruction. I see the ship sinking and I'm kind of tired to pump water out when others aren't doing much apart complaining. I feel they are bringing me down with them, don't have many and that's why these weird ideas come to mind. The simplest decision it look's to be, but not the easiest one